Amicus Curiae

We're just like Scalia and Ginsberg, only we're 2Ls and not on the Supreme Court. Oh, and this Antonin doesn't sing.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

My Reputation Precedes Me

This post is for Alfred, who once told me that when he first heard my name, he thought something similar. And because he laughed when I told him this story over the phone tonight.

So today was my first day of work. And since we were in trial most of the day, the only other thing we really had time for was a short tour of the judge's chambers and introducing ourselves to the Court Security Officers downstairs.

This is the conversation that took place:

Me: Hi, I'm [real name].

CSO 1: Nice to meet you, [real name].

Me: Nice to meet you as well.

CSO 2: Wait a second... [real name]? (Lowers voice so only I can hear him.) Not the porn star though, right?

Me: o_O

Yes, you heard me correctly. On my first day at work I was asked by a Court Security Officer whether I was a porn star.

The only thing that might have been worse would be if he'd heard my name and immediately looked at me more closely to see if he recognized me, as that would mean that he's seen enough of the other [real name]'s work to know that I wasn't her.

Those of you who know my real name can Google me to see who I'm talking about. Though you'll also see that it's pretty hard to confuse the two of us. We don't look much alike.

Monday, May 30, 2005

In which we question Ruth's intelligence...

Relatively fair (yet tan-able) skin + baby oil + 20 minutes in Texas sun = stupid idea.

Really stupid idea.

*pokes sunburn*

Ouch.

In my defense, it didn't look like I'd gotten any sun at all earlier. Then a few hours later, I look like a tomato.

I'm sure it will be a great look for tomorrow's first day of work (although I should probably rethink the red shirt I picked out).

Now I'm off to find some Aloe Vera.

What?

I actually said this last night:

"He did not have the cognitive capacity to withstand my barrage of verbal abuse."

Let me defend myself by mentioning that I was really fucked up.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Nuggets of Knowledge

My firm made me attend a "Professionalism and Ethics Conference" put on by the Dallas Bar Association, and I came away with some insightful knowledge. Here are the evaluation and notes I took while in attendance:

Evaluation
Keynote address: Good speech, Atticus Finch is fucking awesome
Breakout session with Judges: This didn't feel like a discussion, but rather a stern lecture from my grandfather
Mentor Panel Discussion: I had a really hard time trying to slit my wrist with the butter knife
Any other comments or suggestions: The open bar should have started at the beginning of the conference

Lessons from the Conference
- law students have no sense of morals and ethics; they will fuck anyone over to win. Given a hypothetical where a 5 year old would know the difference between right and wrong, law students struggle between doing the right thing and "balancing their clients interests"
- law students who have the big firm, high paying jobs think they are awesome. People who suddenly start getting big paychecks, although temporarily, think their dicks just grew 5 inches.*
- lawyers are boring. They speak to hear their own voices and to advertise their self importance.
- the only people who like to talk more than lawyers are judges. And judges are just former lawyers who consider themselves even more important now than before.
- lawyers have no problem spending 30-45 minutes stating the obvious (e.g. its a good idea to have a mentor)
- an open bar after the conference helps melt a lot of the frustration away

*This excludes the humble your's truly (5 inches would just be overkill)

Law School: Love It or Hate It?

It's no secret that many people hate law school. Really and truly hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand supernovas. Whether it's the people, the school, the city, the professors, the workload, the mentality, whatever... they just loathe the entire thing.

I am one of those types that loves law school. I have great friends, a social life, I go to a good school, like most of my professors, and find most of my classes interesting (Property and Contracts notwithstanding--at least in terms of interesting professors), and don't mind the studying too much either. Yeah, it's not perfect by a long shot, and there are times when I'm certainly tired and stressed, but over all I liked it more than I disliked it (granted I only have one year under my belt). Maybe it's just my never-ending optimism at work, but I just like the whole law school thing.

I thought maybe liking law school was a UT thing for a while (perhaps because I'd really only talked about it with Antonin and we seemed to be on the same page) but then some of my close friends at UT mentioned how much they hated law school and that they'd seriously considered quitting.

So I'm curious, dear readers: why did/do you love/hate law school? If you hate it, what keeps you there? Have you ever seriously considered quitting, and if so, what changed your mind? If you love it, what do you love about it?

Inquiring minds I want to know.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Not Even My First Day At Work...

...and I already managed to embarrass myself.

Went up to the courthouse to pick up a packet of personnel-type paperwork, and it was quite obvious that it was my first time in the federal courthouse. First, I fumbled with my purse and ID in front of the U.S. Marshals, then they had to point out the elevators to me (despite the fact that they were right in front of me). Once I got upstairs, I followed the directions the Marshals gave me and found the Judge's chambers, but once I'd walked in those doors there were two more to choose from.

I chose the wrong door, and interrupted a hearing that was being conducted by a Federal Magistrate.

Oops.

Someone official-looking directed me to the correct place, and I made it safely into the Judge's chambers, where I met his Judicial Assistant, his clerks, and the court reporter. Also got to chat a bit with the Judge himself.

Everyone seems really nice, but I'm not going to lie... I'm pretty nervous. My grades aren't what one would call stellar by any stretch of the imagination, so I feel like I have to rely on my stunning good looks personality and on good recommendations for future jobs. So I feel like it's even more important that I do well this summer.

For Tuesday morning, however, I would be happy to just get there on time and not get lost.

Also had a really greasy lunch today, courtesy The Infamous El Guapo. (I think he's trying to bump himself up on the curve by killing me by way of a heart attack.) That's the problem with law school: you can never tell who your real friends are. What seems like a kind gesture is really just an attempt to get ahead. ;)

Monday, May 23, 2005

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Now That's What I Call Ironic

Many of you will remember that civil procedure is not my best subject.

Well I was talking to a friend today (who is doing the same kind of work I'll be doing starting in June), and it turns out that my favorite subject figures fairly heavily in most of his assignments. I'll probably be doing a lot of the same type of stuff as he's doing now.

Someone please help me to contain my overwhelming joy.

Hopefully civil procedure will make more sense when I see it in action than it does when I'm just reading about it. Nevertheless, I still had to laugh at my luck. I pick a subject to hate and it's guaranteed to come back to haunt me. On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be doing transactional work, which might lead to me stabbing myself in the neck with a ballpoint pen.

I also spent more money than I could comfortably afford on work clothes today. This hurt me a great deal, as I'm quite the jeans and t-shirt type of girl. And I still need a pair of brown pumps and two pairs of nylons. Hate.

I should actually start wearing my work clothes this week for a practice run, as it will probably take me at least that long to learn to walk properly in my shoes and get used to wearing skirts. Oh, and the 100 degree heat? Not. Helpful. At. All.

[/gripemoancomplainbitchwhine]

Yeah. I should stop. Despite the tone above, I am actually quite excited to start my job, even if it does require me to wear skirts, heels, and pantyhose.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Guess who's back, back again...

That's right fools, Antonin's back in the house. Finals and starting the new job threw things off, but now I'm back with a vengence. I've found that being a summer associate is kind of like doing Legal Research and Writing all day, so I'm pretty sure I've gotten to the bottom of why most lawyers are alcoholics. They do take you out to bad ass lunches everyday and then happy hours after work, so it's not all bad. But you can't get totally shit canned at the happy hours, so its more of just a tease. As soon as I decide I don't want to work for a particular firm, I'm going to start getting black-out drunk at those things. Anyways, sorry for the randomness, but I felt like I need to put something up. I don't want this board becoming Ruth's excess estrogen dump.

P.S. No hot girls at work. Might have to title summer "The Summer of Celibacy"
P.S.S. Law Review Write-On Competition. There. I said it. I'm not a bitch like Ruth.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

[The Competition Which Must Not Be Named]

I was going to post something funny and insightful (read: I'm bored and the trees are blocking the sun by the pool) about [The Competition Which Must Not Be Named], but apparently we're not allowed to talk about it without risking death or serious bodily injury an honor code violation. Okay, so that's a bit of a generalization, but still...

I may have already said too much.

*glances around nervously*

Well as long as there aren't any Texas Law Review Hitmen (or women) outside my door, waiting to hand down an honor code violation for mentioning [The Competition Which Must Not Be Named], I hope to maybe scrape something together for this.

And bon chance to all 1Ls who are about to embark on similar (and equally secretive) writing competitions. May your pens be swift keyboards all work properly.

In other news, my apartment is about half ready for me to go. What is the likelihood that I'll be ready to go by my scheduled departure time? What is the likelihood that I'll actually schedule a departure time? Will we ever hear from Antonin again? For the answers to these delving questions and many more... tune in to our next post. Same Amici time,* same Amici URL.



*Actual times may vary. Check your local listings. And my apologies for the random use of French.

Monday, May 16, 2005

I Can See Clearly Now That the Rain is Gone

I have a long list of things I need to get done before leaving the city of Austin, and absolutely no motivation to do it. Last night I did manage to clean up my kitchen, but instead of vaccuuming afterwards as I'd meant to, I decided to geek out a bit and read around seven issues of Sandman. (And as an aside, I don't really care for the artist of these particular seven.) I think the only reason I'll get started on my errands today is because it's calling for rain. I'll get all my errands done on the rainy day and use tomorrow for laying in the sun by the pool and doing nothing of importance.

I think this is why there is the supposed attitude shift between the 1L and 2L year. We come in as a 1L, not sure what to expect, and we get swept up in the current of books, and library, and studying. We get in that herd mentality, and part of the reason we study is because everyone else is. We get so wrapped up in wanting to be at the top of our class that we forsake all else in our lives, convinced that good grades are the key to life, happiness, and getting laid on a Friday night. None of this is true, of course, but as a 1L, we sometimes forget that.

Then we finish that last final. And drink for several days without a significant pause. It's only then that we remember what life was like, and that realization is like a drug. We crave that feeling of anti-urgency. We must have days filled with doing nothing of importance. And once we get the taste of it following that last final, we vow never to lose ourselves in school again. We decide that we'll either go to class or read the material, rather than doing both and reading the hornbook as well the way we did as 1Ls. We decide no more Friday classes--the weekends will be ours to do anything or nothing (depending on our mood). We decide that grades are overrated and arbitrary, so why should we work our asses off when it doesn't guarantee that we'll do well?

The completion of the last final is an eye-opener of epic proportions. Not only do we become 2Ls on paper, but we become 2Ls in mind and spirit. And it is that spirit of no longer caring that carries us the rest of the way through law school. The herd mentality is still there, of course, only now we're not studying because no one else is.

Now, should I actually get dressed for the day or should I take a nap on my couch? Decisions, decisions...

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Co-Blogging from Ruth's House

Ruth: You don't think these girls don't know what they're doing? You're a smart, good-looking, funny guy. They see you're a good catch and they try to get their hooks in you as quickly as possible.

Antonin: But they don't have hooks, so they try to use their vaginas.

That's what happens after a few beers and a Will Ferrell movie.

Summer Blogging

Some of our fans* have voiced concern about the state of our blog over the summer. Rest assured that Antonin and I plan to blog throughout the summer. When we're not crying about how we'll never make it through the whole summer without one another, we're discussing some different topics, themes, and other general ideas for the blog. Okay, Antonin's not crying. Just me. I'm the sappy one of the duo.

Things may be quiet around here for a few days, while we're both packing up and getting ready to remove to federal court head to our respective summer headquarters. But once we're settled in, expect regular posting.

*Wow, how fun is that to say? [/silliness]

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Blind Pig

Party starts in two hours. I suggest you don't miss it.


Congrats to all the UT 1Ls who finished their first year of law school today. Double points for those of you who tail-gated in the Trinity parking garage immediately after the exam. I started drinking at 12:15. Heh.

Oh, look at the time... seems like I'm due for dinner and more drinking. See you at the Blind Pig.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The End of the Year Party

For those of you who ignore the Weekly Law Announcements, I just wanted to let you know that the Texas Law Bachelor Society is hosting the End of the Year Party at the Blind Pig on 6th Street from 9:00 to 2:00 Thursday, May 12. If you are still in Austin, and you're not there, then you are lame.

Some of you will remember the kick ass end of the semester party at the Blind Pig back in December, hosted by the Roberts Brothers and SBA. This will be along the same lines, as you'll notice both Roberts Brothers are founding members of TLBS.

Anyway, it's for everyone (not just TLBS members or anything like that), and don't forget to get a wristband at the door for $1 wells and $2 domestics all night long. And I hear the band is quite good.

See y'all there.

Law School Drug Testing

After going through my second round of law school exams, I have come to the conclusion that random drug testing needs to be implemented for all law students. Adderall abuse is on the rise in American higher education and it is something that must be stopped. Let me first make clear that this does arise from my concern for the health of law students, but rather from Adderall's performance enhancing capabilities. If law students want to shorten their life spans in other ways, I am all for it. But Adderall is the steroids of the academic world and it gives a distinct physical advantage to those willing to sacrifice their health for good grades. Just like steroids have tainted the integrity of baseball, Adderall taints the academic intergrity of law school. Therefore the higher ups of the law school community must take affirmative action to put a stop to this growing epidemic.

I consider myself to be akin to the old timers of baseball, like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle, bringin mad skills to the table despite excessive drinking, smoking, and womanizing. When I show up to an exam so drunk it seems like I was just handed three tests, I take The Mick's advice and "just go for the middle one." But these Adderall freaks are the Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi's of today. They might put up huge numbers, like 4.2 GPA's, but everyone knows there should be an asterisk next to it because the record is tainted. Much like Bond's 73 homeruns, people will always wonder if these people could have gotten the same grades if they hadn't been so jacked up on Adderall.

Some people might argue that some people really have ADD and should be able to use Adderall to treat their problem. But anything less than a strict zero tolerance policy just cannot be allowed. Do you think baseball players should be able to complain that they were born weaker than other people and therefore they should be able to take steroids? Absolutely not. If you have bad ADD and you need Adderall to get through school, maybe you're not meant to be here in the first place. Go find a profession that isn't going to require you to devote long, continuous amounts of attention to your work and you'll probably have a much happier life.

So I will be forming an investigative committee that will began evaluating the plausibility of a serious drug testing program. Sure, drug companies will probably always be ahead of the game, creating new forms of Adderall that we can't detect, but we'll stay persistent. So next year when you hear in the news that President Bush is going to urge Congress to take action against academic drug use if schools administrators don't get serious, you'll know where it all started.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Lachrymose Library*

Dear Reader,

If you came to this blog looking for a clever, witty, and well-composed tale about the blunders of a University of Texas 1L, I humbly suggest you look elsewhere. Today's tale is filled with copious amounts of anguish and woe. Today I bring you the story of beleaguered law students, trapped in the bleak abyss that is the Tarlton Law Library. This is not a story for the faint of heart. If you are in the midst of finals and in need of a laugh, you will be much better off hitting the "back" button on your browser, going to Google, and typing in, "seriously need laugh."

I, Ruth, am obligated to record this woeful tale, but you are free to find more humorous reading materials.

With All Due Respect,

Ruth
~*~*~

The word "study" comes from the ancient Greek word "etude" which means, "to bang one's head against a stone column repeatedly." One of the definitions of the modern word "study" is "a state of mental absorbtion." This particular definition aptly describes what law students do in the last two weeks of the semester. They mentally absorb an entire semester's worth of information that they should have been absorbing all semester, but couldn't be bothered. Others had been absorbing all semester, and a reasonable person might think that they would relax during finals, secure in their knowledge that they are thoroughly prepared and are certain to do well on the exam. Unfortunately, these particular law students think they are at Baylor rather than the University of Texas, and they are convinced that they will be forced to work at a personal injury boutique and put their picture on the back of the Yellow Pages if they don't have at least a 3.9 GPA. In other words, even the students who have been studying all semester long are stressed to their breaking point.

The Tarlton Law Library, once near-empty and a place of comfort, is now full of law students. These are not your usual, easy-going, flip flop wearing UT students. These are students in the midst of finals. The library has degenerated from being a quiet place of reading and relaxation to--well to put it bluntly--a jungle. And I don't mean jungle metaphorically. I mean that the students act like animals guarding their cubs as they become increasingly territorial. Don't believe me? Just walk through the Tarlton Law Library, preferably while wearing flipflops, walk to the table furthest in the back, and count the number of dirty looks you get as your flip flops disturb the students' mental states. Only four of the people you pass won't give you a hard time, but that's because they're wearing earplugs and didn't hear you in the first place.

In the unlikely event that you actually find a free table with a nearby plug for your laptop, it's probably because you reached it mere seconds before the girl who had been sitting at that particular table for the past few days. She will undoubtedly walk up just in time to see you place your laptop on the table (akin to a Conquistador putting the Spanish flag on the beach of a soon-to-be conquered land). Instead of simply moving on and looking for another table, she will attempt to shoot daggers at you with her eyes, sigh loudly, roll her eyes before she's completely turned her back to you, and walk away loudly. Later she will complain to her friends how you took her table and how she couldn't concentrate after that because the table she ended up sitting at faced a different direction and it messed up her chi.

The rest of the library is no less dejecting. Common scenes include guys pulling on their hair; wide eyes staring blankly at computer screens, their expressions revealing that they don't know this shit, and they certainly aren't going to know it by tomorrow's closed book exam; a girl passed out at a desk, the sheer exhaustion finally taking its toll. If you look hard enough, you might even find a girl who has reached her breaking point, and is crying in the library because she's going to fail Civil Procedure.**

Even when well-meaning people try to make small talk in the elevator, the subject inevitably turns to the dread subject of finals. How many do you have left? How long have you been studying tonight? How long is your outline? How many times did you retch before taking that PR exam?

I wish, dear readers, that I could tell you that this was fiction. I wish I could tell you that UT law students were well-balanced people, that they understood that we are at a Top 15 school, that our grades are inflated anyway, and that most professors just toss their exams down the stairs (which magically land in a bell curve) and your grade corresponds to the stair your exam landed on. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Most students 1Ls still labor under the misguided view that their hard work will actually materialize into a good grade. I also wish that I could tell you that I am calm, cool, and collected and thus not misled like the aforementioned 1Ls. But I would be lying, because my Civ Pro exam made me physically sick with anxiety.

And this is why I might try to avoid the Lachrymose Library as much as possible today and tomorrow. As I am determined not to stress over Property, there is no reason to subject myself to the substantial tension that just seems to float in the air there. Indeed, if the sun comes out and the mosquitoes don't, you might find me outside at a picnic table, reading my thirty-three Property syllabi, trying to make sense of the subject, but shrugging when I remember it's my last exam of the year and that I don't have enough left in me to care.

~*~*~

* Some of the writing style in this post was shamelessly swiped from Lemony Snicket. May he forever reign as the Prince of Woe.
** This may or may not have been me.

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Moment of Truth

This is it. About to start my Civ Pro exam.

In case I don't make it out of this alive, I leave all of my worldly possessions to my beloved Antonin, with the exception of anything that might be considered geeky, in that case, Alfred should have it.

See you on the flip side. I'm hoping to get through this without vomiting. I'm trying very hard to hate Professor Woolley, but I just can't. I don't think this will be a problem in four more hours, though.

EDIT:

Am still alive. Barely. I may have been the first one done in my room, but I don't remember. For those of you who (a) were in my room and (b) have figured out who I am, please rest assured that I was not done early because I knew my shit. It was the opposite. I had so little to say about each question that with ten minutes to go, I said, "fuck it... this is not going to get any better in the next ten minutes." You can thank me for padding the bottom of the curve in Civ Pro later.

Now the question is how much effort do I actually want to put into Property? Not much, I know that. I figure that knowing my stuff in that class is not a guarantee of a decent grade anyway, so why put the effort in? And what does it matter anyway? I want to get into criminal law, and D.A. offices aren't exactly known for insisting on top grades. I'll still make Alfred teach me the subject, as I don't want to go in there knowing nothing, but now that Civ Pro is behind me, I just can't see myself stressing over anything else at this point, other than what to wear to the End of the Year Party on Thursday night.*

So instead of starting on Property tonight, I'm going to go buy some cereal and milk, take a long, hot bath, and then make a fresh start tomorrow.

Furthermore... I realize that I haven't said a single humorous thing in this entire post, but I just can't find it in me tonight. My bad. Blame Antonin. It's his turn to post anyway.

*Blind Pig. This Thursday night. Drink specials. If you are a UT student and you are not there, then you are lame.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Ode to Professor Glannon

I would just like to say that if I do well on my Civil Procedure exam, it is thanks to this man:



Professor Glannon, your examples can be cheesy as hell, but I thank you for them. And your whole visit from Gabriel thing was just downright uncalled for. But if you can explain Erie to me, I will hand over my firstborn and won't have anything further to say about your cheesiness.

And now, a quote.

Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
-Benjamin Disraeli

Word on the suffering part... and on that upbeat note, I return to my beloved Glannon.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Another Song Parody Funny Only to Law Students

Since I'm spending all of my time studying, here is another song parody sent from a friend.

(To the tune of Sam Cooke's "Wonderful World (Don't Know Much)")

Don't know much about Property
Don't know much Crimenology
Don't know much about the CivPro book
Don't much about the Warren Court
But I know that first year's almost through
And I know that summer's coming soon
What a wonderful world this will be

Don't know much about the law of tort
Don't know what I'd do in a court
Don't know much about contract law
Don't know what the Constitution's for
But I can write on to law review
And if I do then maybe you will too
What a wonderful world this will be

Now I don't claim to be an "A" student
But I'm tryin' to be
For maybe by being an "A" student baby
I can win a job for me

Quick House Keeping

I'm probably going to venture into the template sometime tomorrow and add to our link list. If you're reading us, and you've linked to us on your blog, we'd like to extend the same courtesy. However, I am pretty damn lazy, and even more disorganized, so it would take me ages to find all of you. So, if you could make my life easier by leaving a comment to this post with the link to your blog, I would appreciate it (I would appreciate it even more if said link was in a copy/paste-able format).

I'm all about sharing the love links.

So don't be shy. Even you lurkers that link to us, let us know.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

For the ladies: making studying for Civ Pro less painful

Civil Procedure may possibly be the most boring subject ever, with one exception: Texas Civil Procedure. Studying for this exam is difficult, and the Federal Rules have a tendency to make your eyes roll into the back of your head. But because my knowledge of the subject is limited to a single Federal Rule, blowing off this exam is not an option.

Therefore, I have come up with a number of ways to make studying for the exam less painful. This will probably only be of interest to the ladies, so fellas, feel free to skip this entry.

Making Civ Pro Less Painful: Ruth Style

  • Obtain a bookmark with Orlando Bloom on it. Put it in your Federal Rules book. If you don't have a bookmark, just print out a picture of him. The less clothes, the better. This will encourage you to at least open the book. Then keep sticking the picture behind the next page you have to read. Allow 30 seconds of drooling gazing each time you turn the page.
  • When reading Glannon, picture him as being sexy, and British. Read Examples and Explanations with a British accent to help complete the mental picture. Do not actually look for a picture of Professor Glannon online, as it may ruin things for you.
  • Go purchase a bar of your favorite chocolate. Each time you finish revising a section of your outline, allow yourself to savor a small piece of it. Rewarding your hard work is important.
  • If there is a handsome guy in your class who knows a lot about Civ Pro, study with him and ask him lots of questions. Which reminds me... I haven't seen Antonin much today.*
  • Rent a Johnnie Depp movie (I recommend Pirates of the Caribbean). Allow yourself to watch it tomorrow night, but only if you do at least half of a practice exam.
  • Associate different Federal Rules with different hot male celebrities. There needn't be any rhyme or reason to it. It's just more fun to call something "the Colin Firth rule" than it is to say Rule 8(e). It'll make you grin a bit, and you should take those happy thoughts where you can get them while studying this subject.
Now, an amusing Professor Glannon tidbit...

I was talking to a 3L friend of mine today, and she was telling me how she and her friends were addicted to Glannon when they were 1Ls. Her friend was distraught that Glannon didn't have a chapter on class actions, especially since they would be covering that in class and it would be on the final the following week. Her friend proceeds to look up Professor Glannon and email him, asking if he had a draft chapter on class actions, because if so-they would find it quite helpful.

A day later Professor Glannon replied to the email, saying, "Class actions are hard. That's why I don't have a Class Action chapter in my book. Well, good luck on your final."

Thanks, Professor G. We appreciate your concern.


*Hey, Antonin, remind me to call you so I can ask you some Civ Pro questions. ;)

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

This is why I support the curve system

"When we set the timer, does that mean its going to count down as we take the exam?"
- Stupid Bitch in my Con Law final

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Let's Hear it for the Court!

In honor of our Warren Court final tomorrow, I bring you a humble song parody.

(To the tune of Cyndi Lauper's Denise Williams' "Let's Hear it for the Boy.")



Now Warren, in Brown v. Board
He had a lot to say
And there was no way to sustain
Plessy--the schools would have to change.

And there was no reasoning
At least not using law
Now we all go to the same schools
Thanks to the new rule

Let's hear it for the Court!
Let's give the Court a hand!
Let's hear it for the Justice
You know you got to understand
Warren he's no Cardozo
But he wrote Loving, that I know
Let's hear it for the Court!

Now Warren may not watch porn
But Brennan liked it fine
Though he tried to define it
He always had a real hard time

But Brennan protected speech
And that's all right be me
And what he did, he did so well
I just wanna yell

Let's hear it for the Court!
Let's give the Court a hand!
Let's hear it for the Justice
You know you got to understand
Brennan, he's no Cardozo
But Sullivan was money, yo'
Let's hear it for the Court!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Top 10 Questions Likely to Be on Our Warren Court Final

10. Frankfurter v. Warren in a nunchuck fight. Discuss.

9. Discuss the relationship between Douglas's opinion in Griswold v. Connecticut and his proclivity for 20 year old women.

8. Analyze the possibility that Whittaker was one worthless motherfucker.

7. List the pros and cons of the Court giving stare decisis the middle finger.

6. Abe Fortas: Perjurer or just one unlucky bastard?

5. Warren's opinions: Could they have been any worse?

4. Were Clark's feelings for J. Edgar Hoover completely platonic?

3. Which justice on the Warren Court was most likely to sodomize his wife?

2. Did the Court exhaust every possible avenue for telling the South they were backwards, inbred pieces shit?

And the question most likely to be on our Warren Court exam is...


1. Did Brennan believe in the 1st amendment or did he just want an excuse to watch hardcore porn? Discuss.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My Semester in a Nutshell

Con Law II: Memorize Prof's book. All 501 pages. Regurgitate on exam. (Progress: Can probably create decent response to question about Brown, and Black's 1st Amendment Absolutism, and possibly about obscenity.)

Civ Pro: Be able to recall every single utterance of Prof, synthesize, put it all together, and read it backwards. Also: memorize a number of Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. (Progress: Rule 12(b)(6) is a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim. That's about the extent of my Civ Pro knowledge.)

Crim Law: Be inspired by Prof. Be saddened by Prof's subsequent death. Enter parade of different profs for remainder of semester. Need to know very little in order to pass exam, as is now pass/fail. (Progress: Not too bad, actually.)

Property: Attempt to make some sense of course (not necessarily subject, just manner in which prof presents it). Any sense at all will suffice, given the circumstances. (Progress: Little to none. And by little, I actually just mean none, but "none to none" sounded redundant.)

Legal Research and Writing: Write a memo. Revise it all semester. Proceed to squish entire process into two-week period for final. (Progress: Done! Yay!)

Ah well. At least next year I'll be able to take classes that I actually want to take. Is it summer yet?

Quiz Dump

Gacked this quiz Closet Gunner and was amused by the result.

YOU ARE RULE 20(a)!

You are Rule 20, an important part of the Federal
Rules' policy of permissive joinder. You are
designed specifically to allow as many parties
in an action as can be tried efficiently, and
you'll include someone as long as there is some
factual overlap between a claim involving them
and the rest of the case at hand. You are
popular, out-going, and are never far from
friends. However, your overly gregarious
nature and magnanimous approach do make things
a bit crowded--you're the reason that lawsuits
are often cluttered with innumerable parties
and even more numberous claims for relief.
Still, despite the crowds that you attract, you
can't argue with the efficiency of getting
everything done at once!


Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Popular, outgoing, life of the party, greatest person ever, and yet, also modest... Yeah, that sounds like me.

Then I decided to play around on Quizilla a bit more, and I found this one, though it looks familiar... perhaps I've taken it before. Nevertheless, here it is:

Bad economy got ya down? That's okay. We don't know what we want to do when we grow up either.


What Kind of Law Geek Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

That one was spot on, I must say.

Antonin and I obviously had better things to do than blog this weekend, hence the lazy posts. But before anyone starts accusing us of placing more importance on exams than blogging, I want it known that our lack of posting is not due to us studying on Friday and Saturday nights. We both went out Friday night, leaving little time for posting, and tonight I just forgot it was my turn. Oops.

My next post will be...well I can't promise that it'll be better than this, but I won't cop out and just post quizzes.

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