Amicus Curiae

Return of the blog

2006-03-24T17:17:00.000-06:00

The archives are back! Thanks to Stephanie at Blogger Support, our blogspot archives have been restored.

Change of Venue

2005-09-21T22:54:00.000-05:00

Come visit us at our new home: Amicus Curiae.

1L Year v. 2L Year: A Comparative Analysis

2005-09-20T22:49:00.000-05:00

This comparison considers events that take place through the first three weeks of the school year.

Books: Price and Purchase Date
1L Year: $500 for the fall, purchased five days before orientation.
2L Year: $150 for the fall, purchased... erm, soon.
Winner: 2L year, hands down.

Response when asked for the facts of the case in class:
1L Year: "Plaintiff was at a restaurant and..."
2L Year: "I'm sorry, professor, I didn't read this case." (A variation on this includes crickets chirping when I'm called on but failed to show up to class.)
Winner: 2L year, because apathy beats anxiety any day.

Evenings Spent:
1L Year: Reading, using the five color highlighter system.
2L Year: Receptions, clinic work, receptions, clinic work, receptions, mock trial, dinners with attorneys you hardly know...
Winner: 1L year, but that may just be the exhaustion talking.

Thoughts at Night:
1L Year: Damn, the professor assigned 5o pages of reading for Contracts, and I still need to re-read Con Law...
2L Year: Damn, am I on call tomorrow? Maybe I should read. Wonder what time the Co-Op closes...
Winner: 2L year. Duh.

Social Life:
1L Year: Go out on bar review nights, but only if I drink light and am sure to be home by midnight because I have class tomorrow.
2L Year: Weekend starts Thursday afternoon. But if someone wants to hit up the bar on Tuesday or Wednesday, that's cool too.
Winner: Do I even have to say?

Biggest Expense:
1L Year: Intent to study law application
2L Year: Bar tab.
Winner: 2L year. Mmmmmbeer.

Biggest Annoyance:
1L Year: Gunners.
2L Year: Finding out that there are still gunners.
Winner: Neither. Both really suck.

Favorite Professor:
1L Year: Robertson.
2L Year: Robertson.
Winner: 1L year, because he brought his guitar and sang Torts songs. No guitar yet this year. What's up with that?

Anxious Because:
1L Year: Because I'm a 1L and that's what 1Ls do... we're anxious.
2L Year: Because I haven't gotten any callbacks yet. D'oh!
Winner: 1L year because at least general anxiety doesn't preclude me from having a job in the summer.

Final tally: 2L Year = 5, 1L Year 3

And the fact that I wrote this post out instead of reading for Crim Pro probably says more about the 2L year than the post itself.

Weekend Update with Ruth

2005-09-18T18:57:00.000-05:00

Interesting conversation at Freebirds last night between, me, Antonin and an obviously drunk guy.

Obviously Drunk Guy (ODG): Can I ask you a question?
Antonin: As long as it doesn't involve asking me for a favor.
ODG: I'm from Houston. And I just wanted to know... where am I at?
Antonin: (confused pause) Dude... You're in Austin.
ODG: Austin. Then how far am I from 6th street?
[/snip directions to 6th street]
Ruth: Well, how did you get here?
ODG: I don't know. I just woke up, and I was here.

He obviously made it downtown, as I did see him at the Blind Pig, dribbling beer down his chin.

~*~*~

In other drinking news, I am proud to announce that I did my first keg-stand yesterday. And before everyone starts making fun of me for not having reached this milestone as an undergrad, I'd like to point out that as an undergrad I was drinking hard liquor mixed with either soda or juice pretty exclusively. This was a proud moment in my life.

What was even more fun was the fact that a hiring partner from a large, well-known firm in Houston did a keg-stand with us, on the condition that my friend did one as well. We're hoping she can snag a job out of that. I advised her to add to her resume under interests: "Currently hold local women's keg-stand record."

The fact that a stuffy hiring partner did a keg-stand with us makes me proud of my chosen profession. *wipes tear*

I'm Ruth, and that's news to me.

Bullet Point Posting

2005-09-16T16:59:00.000-05:00

There is no coherent theme for this post. Probably because I'm very far from coherency at the moment. Enter bullet points.

I would rather be three-legged racing at the society olympics than going to Yet Another Thrilling Firm Reception. If I get elbowed out of the way by one more 2L who asks the attorney what they like best about litigating, I might try to drown myself in Town Lake. You may want to watch tonight's evening news.
Almost filled out a study abroad application, but then realized that I couldn't come up with educational goals that didn't involve the words "Irish pub," "wasted," and "four nights a week," and gave up.
The society t-shirts today at school made me think of street gangs. The Sheffield society really represented. I'd put my money on them in a street brawl, but only because of their sheer numbers. Cadena society needs to step up. I only saw like five with their shirts on, which is less than the number of guys who claimed to only have worn their society shirt because they didn't have any other clean laundry. Riiiight. It's okay to show your spirit. We're not going to think anything less of you.
There have been no interesting Google searches for our site lately. Consider yourselves lucky.
Had to drop off my laptop with the IT guys today. I suspect it's much like a mother leaving her first-born son with a babysitter for the first time, except that my laptop didn't cling to my neck and cry. It doesn't burp or need diaper changes either, though, so I suppose it's a good trade-off.
I apologize to those of you who know me in real life and heard me say all of these things today. After I said them, I thought, "I should blog that later." And here you are.
TLBS tailgate party tomorrow. After a long week of The Cold of Doom, severe sleep deprivation, and the computer problems today, I'm ready to get good and drunk.
At this point in time, I should probably peel myself from the couch and make my way to Alfred's in order to hit up Firm reception tonight, but I seem to have no motivation. There are a number of things I'd rather be doing tonight, including sorting out the disaster area that is now my apartment. Don't get me wrong, the people there seemed great this morning. But the bottom line is that they all seem great, and they'll all continue to seem great until I have to bill 2100 hours for them.
Fuck, I have one hell of a headache. [/whinebitchmoancomplain]

This post was most likely brought to you by the letters P, M, and S.

Blogging? What's That?

2005-09-14T19:03:00.000-05:00

If I hear one more person sigh dramatically and lament that their favorite bloggers never update any more, I might just ~~scream~~ post quickly to appease them.

Truth of the matter is that 2L year is an interesting creature. While I don't feel the need to ~~read for~~ go to class, I do seem to have 87 other things to attend. Add to that an untimely summer cold, and you have a very busy Ruth who really doesn't feel like doing anything other than sleeping and consuming mass amounts of chicken noodle soup. (The Campbell's kind, because trust me, ramen is NOT mmm-mmm-good.) So unlike last year, reading doesn't take up all my time (or any time at all, really), but clinic, journal, interviews, and receptions do.

So I'm trying to save my energy for the few interviews I managed to scrape together, and I find that I'm not really up to being clever when I'm coughing up my left lung and having to deal with way too many fluids from my nose.

And now my battery is about to go dead, and I can't be bothered to get up and find a plug.

Antonin's not suffering from the Cold From Hell, though, so feel free to pester him about updating. :P

The Best Part of OCI

2005-09-12T08:55:00.000-05:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a male law student who puts on a suit for OCI week improves his level of attractiveness tenfold.

Female law students, on the other hand, tend to resemble flight attendants. Or, if they are like me, they look like they're just playing dress-up in their mom's work clothes.

Nonethess, I'm planning on just sitting in the OCI suite all day long and watching the men in lovely suits wait nervously for their interviews. I'm sure my professors will understand.

I Met 1Ls!

2005-09-08T01:30:00.000-05:00

Lots of them! Male 1Ls, at that. How adorable.

Although when I called them 1Ls, they looked at me as if I'd said something derogatory. But really, I meant it in the best of ways.

Fun times tonight, but obviously not fun enough since this post is devoid of any serious spelling errors and I'm using words like "devoid."

Still I'm going to pretend to be hungover ~~tomorrow~~ later this morning and use that as an excuse not to go to crim pro. Yeah. That sounds like a plan.

Oh, and for those of you might be following along, my mystery redhead was not at the TLBS party tonight. Alas.

Open Letters

2005-09-07T08:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Alarm Clock,

We're going to have to re-think this whole "waking me up" thing. I don't know that I approve. We'll talk later.

Sleepily Yours,
Ruth

~*~*~

Dear Sleep,

I know. I miss you, too. Don't worry, we'll catch up on ~~Friday~~ ~~Saturday~~ Sunday.

Missing You...
Ruth

~*~*~

Dear Crim Pro Prof,

If you even pretended to be interested in the subject that you teach, I might be more motivated to stop playing Taipei during your class.

No Love,
Ruth

~*~*~

Dear Three Law Firm Receptions that all at the Same Exact Time,

You know, being the very mediocre student that I am, I don't have a whole lot of interviews, and thus I don't have a whole lot of receptions to go to. When you all have your reception at the same damn time, that equals less free alcohol for me to take advantage of. Unacceptable. Can't y'all coordinate or something? Sheesh.

Undecidedly Yours,
Ruth

~*~*~

Dear Handsome Redhead Who I Suspect is a 1L,

I would appreciate very much if you were at the TLBS party tonight. Just sayin'.

Yours,
Ruth

~*~*~

Dear 2L Year,

It's only the 2nd week of school. How the hell are you already so busy?

Waiting For October,
Ruth

Law Review in a Nutshell

2005-09-02T17:27:00.000-05:00

Antonin: (talking with a friend who made law review) Man, so this might be the last weekend you get to go out all semester.

Friend: Yeah, making law review is kind of like being a Kennedy. There's a lot of benefits, but it means that your life is probably about to end.

Semester's off to a good start

2005-09-02T11:13:00.000-05:00

AIM conversation just now between me and Antonin:

antonin6: at what point in the night did you know i was wasted?
antonin6: 1) my second big beer
antonin6: 2) throwing my plastic chair in the bushes
antonin6: 3) trying to pay a bar tab I'd never started
ruthie3387: 4) abandoning everyone on your way to poppolos for pizza
antonin6: did i abandon everyone?
ruthie3387: 5) picking up random drinks around the bar and drinking them
antonin6: did i do that too?
ruthie3387: yes
antonin6: sweet

What can I say? It's how we roll.

Douchebag Gunners: A Thoughtful Post

2005-09-01T19:50:00.000-05:00

Because no one is as amused by how people find their way here as I am, I will give in to the masses and stop posting about it.¹

In the meantime, there has been much discussion about douchebag gunners in this post, so I thought I'd share a disturbing and horrifying revelation with all of you.

There are douchebag gunners in the upperclasses, too.

I was shocked (shocked!). Here we were in criminal procedure (which is so incredibly boring that it will someday get its own post), minding our own business² and listening to the professor explain how defendants have the right to have a judicial finding of probable cause or some similarly easy-to-understand concept, when a guy with a really bad hair cut in the front row raises his hand.

I sit sorta across from him (but not in the front row³), so I got a clear view of this. Before I relay what he said, please go back and re-read the preceding paragraph in order to remind yourself that this was a very simple concept that we the prof was discussing.

DG: I just had a question about something that seems like it could be a big issue--

Prof: Actually, this won't ever become a big issue--

DG: It just seems like this issue might become--

Prof: Well the Supreme Court isn't going to go backwards, so--

DG: I just wanted to know what the historical and philosophical justifications for the binding the Fourth Amendment...

...and then he lost me.

Dude, WTF? If it had been an evidence class, I would have raised a relevancy objection to his question. I looked around the room, and those who were actually paying attention wore expressions to mirror my own.

That is douchebag gunnery at its worst. I won't begrudge someone who simply answers a question, as I am guilty of that myself. I won't even begrudge someone who asks a question for clarification, because it's stupid to front like you know something if you don't. I might even let someone slide for coming up with a hypothetical, as long as they are amusing.

But when you both (1) ask something completely irrelevant and (2) try to sound smarter than you likely are, you are the epitome of douchebag gunnery. And I won't stand for it.⁴

This rant has been brought to you by the letter "G" and the number "33."

------------------------
¹ Unless we get one that is objectively amusing. Then I can't promise you anything.
² Read: playing desktop taipei and wishing more people were on AIM at 9:30 in the morning.
³ I would have sat in the back row, but people got there way early in order to secure the seats where their laptops would reach the plugs. Bitches.
⁴ I don't know exactly what I'll do about it, but I certainly won't stand. I might sit and play Tetris, though. Or continue to post about how annoying it is. *shrugs* I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Weird Google Search of the Week

2005-08-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

The terms "flag football," led someone to our blog.

We're on page 37.

Someone went through 37 pages of google returns for "flag football" and then decided to click on us.

He/she didn't find anything more relevant to his/her search on the previous 36 pages?

August Housekeeping

2005-08-29T19:51:00.000-05:00

Am trying to do some admin-type stuff on the blog. If it goes wonky in the next day or two, that's why. Don't be alarmed. I'm sure I'll figure out how to fix it eventually...

Meanwhile, if you have a law-related blog (and especially if you are at UT), leave a comment with your URL and blog name so we can link to you. We enjoy sharing the love, but I do the tech-type stuff around here and am lazy. So URLs and blog names in the comments are appreciated.

Thanks,

Ruth

ADDENDUM: Not sure why some of the links have a bigger font. Blogrolling seems to be doing that on its own. I've really no clue how to fix it, so just pretend it looks pretty.

The Ickle 1Ls Are Here!

2005-08-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

Was near the law school today, so I decided to buy my books. At the bookstore were nervous 1Ls, confused by the Co-Op's setup, frustrated because they were unable to find their books.

How cute.

I was only just able to resist the urge to pat them on their heads in a very patronizing manner.

In other news, I successfully added Admiralty and dropped the Friday class. I don't know how I'm going to handle three-day weekends every week. What if getting drunk every Thursday gets old? Is that possible?

A-C Reunion Postponed

2005-08-25T21:15:00.000-05:00

Due to several complications, including the fact that Ruth's storage closet has to be gutted because of mold that grew while she was away this summer, the Amicus Curiae Reunion Party will be postponed until... we'll let you know.

More importantly, Antonin can't make it out tonight, so what sort of reunion would that be?

We had a mini-reunion last night, and I learned that you get drunk a LOT faster when you also happened to be on pain medication. Oops.

But fear not, dear readers, for their will be plenty of opportunities to party in the near future.

Re: Blog Spam

2005-08-23T19:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Bloggers Who Keep Spamming Us With Links to Their Own Blogs,

If your blog isn't (1) law-related or (2) funny, we're not going (1) read it or (2) link to it. So please... just go away.

In fact, I think I'm just going to delete any comment that is along the lines of "interesting blog, if you feel like checking out my own boring and irrelevant blog about a subject you couldn't care less about, here's the link," because they annoy the hell out of me.

Thanks,

Ruth

Weird Stupid Google Search of the Week

2005-08-23T14:39:00.000-05:00

Someone actually typed out http://amicus-curiae.blogspot.com/ into the Google search box.

My only hope is that they just happened to be on Google and then accidentally typed the address in the search box instead of the address bar.

A-C Reunion Party

2005-08-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

I have not been drunk since April 14-15, which marked the night I turned in my memo and then proceeded to get the drunkest I've ever been in my life. This night of drunkeness led to a night of vomitting at a friend's place. And an unfortunate public urination mishap. I was a bit traumatized, actually.

Now that I'm finally over it, I have 4 months of non-drunkeness to make up for at our Amicus Curiae Reunion Party on Thursday night. All of our readers who will be in the Austin area on Thursday, August 25 are invited to attend (and by "invited to attend" I mean "you should go downtown and get drunk with us in spirit because we don't exactly know where we'll be yet, but I imagine that Buffalo Billiards, the Blind Pig, and Logan's will probably be visited at some point"). If you see us, make sure to give us the Super Sekrit Amicus Curiae Handshake and ~~buy us a drink~~ have a beer with us.

And if you were in Section 2B last year, expect phone calls and/or an email from me on Thursday. Your attendance is mandatory.

Ruth, signing off for a day of packing, a day of travel, a day of drinking, and a day of recovery. So, like a few days or so...

The Scheduling God(desse)s: Revisited

2005-08-22T15:13:00.000-05:00

Home for me is a good 8.5 hour drive from Austin. West of Austin, I should point out. And around the winter solstice, the sun doesn't like to shine too long. After a particularly scary incident in which I found myself with a broken car ten miles outside of Ft. Stockton in daylight (before everyone and their mom had cellphones), I haven't been real eager to drive in the west Texas desert at night. Just in case.

The December 23rd final referenced in this post was thus giving me pause. I would either have to leave after the final on the 23rd and drive for some time in the dark or leave the morning of Christmas Eve. Neither option sounded appealing to me.

Then the scheduling gods (goddesses?) smiled upon me and showed me the light: just drop the class and take Admiralty.

Sure, I have absolutely no interest in the subject whatsoever and will probably never come across an admiralty assignment in my entire career, but the prof is funny and it will give me Fridays off (which means lots of drunken Thursday nights with Antonin).

Suddenly the semester is looking up...

Unfortunately, the 8.5-hour drive to Austin is not looking so great. $2.55 for a gallon of gas? WTF? This is going to be one expensive drive back to school. I wish I was Michael J. Fox and had a car that (1) flew and (2) ran on beer.

Ode to Caffeine

2005-08-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

O, Caffeine
Thou art the greatest drug in the world
You lift my spirit and make my heart race
My hands shake and I am short of breath when I am with you
I want you, Caffeine

O, Caffeine
Where would I be without you?
You helped me through all of the hangovers of undergrad
And you are the reason I made it through my 1L year
I need you, Caffeine

And now, when I need you more than ever, you are there for me, Caffeine
Only you can get me excited about the new FTC Disposal Rule
Only you can help me write about what substantially all of the assets means in Delaware
If I survive this summer clerkship, I will owe it all to you.
I love you, Caffeine.

Congrats?

2005-08-13T15:29:00.000-05:00

A couple of people from our small group have now pledged their lives to Texas Law Review. I can't decide if we should congratulate them or offer our condolences.

We didn't really know one of the guys from our small group who made it, because he never went out with us or really did anything social with us at all. I suppose now we know why.

And though the other guy from our small group went out with us fairly often, I have a feeling his going out days are numbered. Alas. Shuffleboard may not be quite the same without him.

Don't Forget to Sign Our Guestbook!

2005-08-10T01:21:00.000-05:00

As I prepare for Fall OCI, the fact that I'm not at the very top of my class is repeatedly thrown in my face as firm after firm requests that I be in the top of some percentage or another. And I certainly understand that beggars can't be choosers.

But I have my standards, dammit!

And I refuse to apply to a firm whose site includes the following:

A page marker that looks like an 8-year-old with a fondness for trees was let loose in Front Page.

As Alfred put it: "Bright orange, babyshit yellow, hot pink, on a dark green background."

An animated Texas flag that... oh just go look at it, it's horrid.

Marquee-style banners on every. single. page.

Complete non-existence of any useful information, such as practice areas.

A guestbook. 'Nuff said.

The "in the shade" link that you must see for yourself.

Someone might argue that they are too busy advocating for their clients to learn decent website design. I would then shrug, satisfied in my knowledge that they obviously work way too hard for my taste if they don't have the time to find some UT undergrad to make them a website. Sheesh.

Also, my apologies for the off-topic wisdom tooth post from earlier (now deleted). Sure, hot oral surgeons can be fun, but that's not really what you guys are here for. If it's a hot oral surgeon that I happen to meet at a law school event, I'll be sure to let everyone know. But routine surgery? Boring. (But if I'm not blogging this time next week, it's because my ability to type was somehow thwarted by the surgery.)

I Feel Like Death

2005-08-08T13:51:00.000-05:00

Did you know that in Vegas, if you pass out at a Black Jack table at 11:30 in the morning, they put you in a holding cell until one of your roommates comes to get you? Yeah . . . me neither . . . I'm just guessing.

FYI: If you ever stay at the MGM, stay away from the 190 Octane from Fat Tuesdays. That shit ruined my life.

Weird AOL Search of the Week

2005-08-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

"dirtyoldlawyer.com"

We were 12th on the first page.

I'm glad I don't know anything about search engine technology. I have a feeling that if I did, this wouldn't be nearly as amusing.

TRL Post 5: Dean Powers

2005-08-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Ruth & Antonin,

Love your blog! I'll be a 1L at UT in the fall. As part of my scholarship
I have to write a letter to the person paying for it, which is an idea I
approve of. However, the person paying for my scholarship is not some
generous elderly lady in Dallas, but Dean Powers. Nice opportunity, but I
don't want to screw it up.

How good of a sense of humor does he have? Is he one of those super-earnest
guys, or does he appreciate a little (but not too much) humorous
perspective?

Should this make it to the blog I'd like to be anonymous (obviously).

Thanks,
Anonymous v2.87

Dear Anonymous,

I'm going to be handling your email for two reasons: (1) I too have to write Dean Powers to thank him for my scholarship and (2) Antonin's busy working his butt off so that he can finish his projects before heading to Las Vegas. And while I enjoy answering email, I won't lie... I'd much rather be getting ready to go to Las Vegas. Alas.

While Dean Powers appears to be a pretty laid-back kinda guy (he's usually seen with a cigar in his mouth and lets students throw pies at him in order to raise money for Texas Law Fellowships and says that if he's so boring during lecture that students get on Instant Messenger then that's his fault for being boring), I didn't try for humor last year. This is partly because at the time I didn't know what kind of person he was either and partly because I couldn't be arsed.

My letter was sort of like, "Dear Dean Powers, blah blah blah thanks for the money, yo. This is what I did in undergrad, yadda yadda yadda, thanks again. Sincerely, Ruth." And I'm sorta glad I didn't put too much time and effort into it, because honestly, I don't know that he reads them. I got a short letter back from him that was like two lines long wishing me luck in law school or something. It was probably written by his secretary.

That said, if you want to add a little humor to your letter, I really don't think it will be frowned upon (assuming it is, indeed, read by Dean Powers). A short line about hoping to throw a pie at him to show your appreciation during TLF week would probably be okay. Jokes about him marrying his former students? Probably not okay. Just use your good judgment.

Sincerely,

Ruth

~*~*~

Amicus Curiae will be on a short hiatus this weekend, while Antonin drinks excessively and gambles his summer income away. We'll be back to answering emails on either Monday or Tuesday.

TRL Post 4: Parking and Profs

2005-08-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

First, we want to give extra credit points for the ~~flattery~~ creativity in the following email.

Oh great and wonderful Oz,

I have a very specific UT Law question as an incoming 1L. I notice that I now have the option to pay for C permit parking. Should I take this option now or is there any possibility that I will be able to get into San Jacinto (by like staying up all night) and is that even worth it? Oh, and any comments about my profs? Alan Rau for Contracts, David Anderson for Torts, Robin Meyer for Legal Research and Writing and, Lonny Hoffman for Civil Procedure.

Thank you my liege!

A humble and unworthy 1L compared to the mighty greatness that is Amicus Curiae

Dear 1L,

If you do not live on a Shuttle Route that drops off at the law school (or within walking distance) a C permit can be helpful. Our friend Alfred parked in the C lots and didn't seem to mind the walk so much. I especially suggest getting a Nighthorn permit with it (for use of the parking garages after 5:00 p.m.). It was the best investment she ever made. Neither of us parked on campus last year, but I am thinking about getting a C permit this year, for days I want to drive but don't want to pay for the parking garage. We made use of bikes, walking, and shuttles (all of which are free).

Free street parking is nearly impossible to get unless you plan on getting to school at obcene times in the morning, perhaps even before the sun rises. We've heard that you have to arrive before seven in the morning for good steet parking. And by "into San Jacinto," do you mean the parking garage? There's almost always pay-by-the-hour parking open there (unless there is an event going on). But it's $7 per day with no in/out privileges. If you mean on the street itself, the free parking is on Dean Keeton. We don't know if there is free parking on San Jacinto, but if so, you might as well just get the C parking permit for all the walking you'll do.

Onto profs. Neither of us had any of the professors you listed, but we have friends who had Rau, and we've heard he's brutal. On the other hand, I know someone who got an A+ in that class without studying, so it sounds like grades there are just as much a toss-up as every other class. We don't know much about the others listed (we had Robertson for Torts and he played the guitar and sang us Tort songs). I have never even heard of the latter two. If any of you reading know anything about them, feel free to comment.

And thanks for the email. It amused us.

Ruth and Antonin

Weird Google Search of the Week

2005-08-02T00:58:00.000-05:00

Someone came to our site after googling "comic book consignment in dallas metroplex."

And yeah. We were on the first page.

For some reason, I don't think he found what he was looking for on our blog.

TRL Post 3: (Un)resolved Sexual Tension?

2005-08-02T00:32:00.000-05:00

Busy weekends for both of us, but we haven't forgotten our inbox.

hey, i read your blog all the time and I just wanna know if y'all ever hooked up.

and i can be anonymous right?

Dear Anonymous,

Right you are.

We must say, when we said anything goes, this wasn't quite what we had in mind. We thought people might ask about good places to study, or which profs are best, or how to get free rotisserie chicken from Sam's Club. But since we said anything goes, we'll answer it.

The opportunities to hook up have been numerous, as it often is when two people spend a lot of time together while intoxicated. And our friends could verify that we've passed out drunk on the same sleeping apparatus on at least a few occasions.

In the end, however, what happens after a drunken Bar Review night should stay where ever it happened.

And next time we decide to answer email on the blog, we'll have to rethink this whole "anything goes" thing.

Thanks,

Ruth and Antonin

TRL Post 2: Is Law School a Lot of Work?

2005-07-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Antonin and Ruth,

The two of you make law school sound like one big party, but I don't know if believe it. I think you either do more work than you say you do, or you're both smarter than average or your grades just aren't that good. In other words, how much work can I expect to be doing during my 1L year?

You guys are still great,

Future UT 1L

Dear Future UT 1L,

The short answer to your question is this: We probably do a little more work than we put on, we are much smarter than average, and our grades could be better.

The longer answer is that law school is as much work as you make it, and we've yet to meet anyone whose grades reflected the amount of work they put into a class. So why work ourselves to death when there is partying to be done and beer to be consumed? In the end we're still going to get a job, be a lawyer, and be able to pay back our loans. But unlike those who were all work and little play during law school, we'll be able to look back on these three years and say, "I might have got a few B's in law school, but I also got some T & A."¹

Sincerely,

Ruth and Antonin

¹ Antonin's footnote: Or in Ruth's case, some C-O-C-K.

TRL Post 1: Day in the life of Antonin

2005-07-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Antonin,
I just finished my 1L year and I am working for a judge and taking classes this summer. I am hoping to work for a big firm next summer, so I was wondering what your typical day is like working for "Big Law?"

Yours truly,
Anonymous
*P.S. And when I say yours truly, I mean I want to do you.

(* This P.S. may or may not have been added by Antonin)

Anonymous,
Thank you for the letter and your infatuation with my online personality. Working at a big law firm might seem like a lot of fun, but it calls for a great commitment of time and energy. Below is a schedule of my typical day at work:

9:37- Arrive at work; sneak up the stairwell from the 6th to the 7th floor so that the receptionist doesn't see me coming in late

9:38- 10:00- Check my email accounts on Gmail, Yahoo, utexas.edu, and Outlook.

10:00- 10:07- Go get a coke from the kitchen and talk with the Food Services ladies about how much we hate whitey.

10:08- 10:45- In between surfing the web, sending emails, and peeing every 10 minutes, I do some work.

10:45- 11:30- Walk around the office talking to attorneys and summer associates about how drunk we were the night before.

11:30- 2:00- Lunch

2:00- 3:00- Pull up the memo I'm currently working on and zone out. I also try to think of foolproof ways to sleep in my office without getting caught.

3:00- 3:30- Go with attorneys (because they pay) to get Starbucks coffee.

3:30- 5:00- Realize I've only billed 45 minutes all day and do some work.

5:00- 1:30- Close shit down and bounce. Meet work people for happy hour, dinner, or some other event where heavy drinking is involved. More often than not, we get bombed off our asses.

1:30- Take a cab home and try to convince the driver to let me smoke in the car; Pass out shortly after getting home.

That is what I would call the usual day. Sometimes I stay out later or don't work as hard, but that is a pretty good example of what I've been doing all summer. Glad I could show you the darker side of the summer clerkship. I hope you make the right decision and life treats you well.

Sincerely,

Antonin

Ruth's Addendum: Remember you can send your questions to amicuscuriae-dot-blog-@-gmail-dot-com.

Total Request Live Week

2005-07-27T23:11:00.000-05:00

Lately we've been getting emails from soon-to-be 1Ls asking us various questions. Although we usually get back to people via email, we noticed that people were asking similar questions, and it would make more sense to answer them publicly.

So our next round of posts will be answers to your questions. Anything goes.¹

Are you an incoming 1L with questions about starting law school or the whole law school experience? Are you a 2L who wants to know if we'll be at the first Bar Review of the semester? Are you a 3L who wants to know how Ruth spends her days now that she's on vacation? Are you a recent grad who is about to start a high-paying job and is preferably female and interested in dating Antonin? If so, email us with your questions and we'll answer your question in a very special blog post, just for you.

As always, we can be reached at amicuscuriae-dot-blog-@-gmail-dot-com. Just indicate whether you want us to use your name, a pseudonym, or keep you anonymous. We'll keep answering questions as they come in. Questions don't have to be law-school related.

----------------------------
¹ Except questions about our Semi-Super Sekrit Identities or the location of Antonin's tattoo. We won't answer those.

What I Learned During My First Legal Job

2005-07-25T21:34:00.000-05:00

We all know that not all learning is done in the classroom. I thought this post would go with my last one.

Jobs waste no time in losing their novelty.
Get a job that pays, if you possibly can. While I found my experience this summer to be quite valuable, money can be a stronger motivator than I originally thought.
The legal research and writing I learned in school was of no use to me at work. The research part was easy, but I had to learn to write all over again.
The stuff I learned in school made much more sense when I saw it in practice.
I'm so going to ace Federal Criminal Procedure this fall. *grin*
Cases in Real Life^TM are not like cases in casebooks, meaning they haven't been edited down to one issue for the purpose of teaching a lesson. Real Life^TM cases are filled with every issue the Plaintiff could include with a straight face and some that he couldn't.
Unless others are buying, bring your lunch every day. The peanut butter and jelly might get old after a few weeks, but that extra money won't.
Arrive in the morning before the judge. Leave after him in the evening.

Open Letter to 1L

2005-07-21T23:35:00.000-05:00

Dear future 1L,

Congratulations on your admission to law school. Now before I go on, I am going to ask you to put down your copy of "Law School Confidental", "Acing Your First Year of Law School", "1L", or whatever other piece of shit you are reading and pay attention. I realize you might be nervous about starting school in a few months, those little seeds of doubt stirring around in your genius little head. But instead of worrying, you should be concentrating on one thing, and one thing only. . . Fucking Nothing.

Now when I say that you need to be concentrating on nothing, I mean you need to work really hard on being as dumb as possible this summer. For example:

- If you like to drink, go get wasted 7 days a week. Especially in the daytime. There is nothing more special than daytime drinking.

- If you like watching t.v., sit in front of the tube for 12 hours straight and watch every episode of Entourage and the O.C. 53,000 times. Catching those VH1 "I love the (insert decade)" can also really help pass the time.

- If you're into video games, rent every game you can and play them until your thumbs are bleeding, your ass is flat, and the computer generated hookers won't give you anymore boo-boo.

Whatever your favorite mindless activity is, go do it. And do it like you've never done it before. And if you are even thinking about reading something law related, go into the bathroom and punch yourself in the balls (or tit) until you don't want to read law stuff anymore.

I guess what I'm really trying to tell you is to enjoy the free time while it lasts. Although school will probably not be as hard as most make it out to be, it still takes up a lot of time. So enjoy this last month of freedom, make sure you use protection, and I'll see you at the end of August.

Yours Very Truly,

Antonin

I Sure Hope I Pass My Background Check

2005-07-21T23:11:00.000-05:00

There's apparently a fairly recent federal law (that I can't be arsed to look up) that says that new judicial employees (including clerks, interns, and interpreters at least) have to be fingerprinted and have a background check.

I've been working there since May 31. Tomorrow is my last day.

They fingerprinted me today.

I doubt my background check will be complete for a while still. I wonder what exactly would happen if I don't pass it. Mind probes to erase all my memories of this summer? Would I be forced to take it off my resume?

Hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't have taken those topless pics back in undergrad...

2005-07-20T22:57:00.000-05:00

Thanks to whoever linked to us on the UT Freshlaw message boards. We were wondering where the sudden spike in readership came from. We appreciate the mention and hope that we can continue to inspire you during your educational endeavors.

What I Learned in my First Year of Law School

2005-07-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

1. I do best in the classes I prepared least for. This should also teach me that I shouldn't study at all, except that my second-best grades are in the classes I prepare most for. Meh.

2. Law school's reputation for being difficult was a bit overrated.

3. Attendance in Legal Research and Writing is optional. Attendance is actually optional across the board, but even more so in this class.

4. There is a noticeable over-representation of asshats in law school. Fortunately, they did not end up in my small group. I got to observe the asshattery from afar.

5. Rule 12(b)(6) is a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim for which relief can be granted.

6. Beer is good. (Yes, I didn't learn this until law school.) (Antonin says he deserves credit for this, seeing as how he was usually the one buying it for me.)

7. Just because someone is in a Top 15 law school does not necessarily mean he/she is smart.

8. Law students, like the lawyers they will someday be, really like to hear themselves talk.

9. The amount of time a student talks in class is not directly related to his or her actual knowledge of the subject.

10. I don't know shit about The Law.

Rebuilding the Cabbie Karma

2005-07-15T18:47:00.000-05:00

Last night we went to Lone Star Park and bet on the ponies. Despite the fact that I lost $30, I got to drink a lot and I had a good time. After the races, we all headed to Uptown to go dance at Knox St. Pub. I drank a few beers, took a few Jagerbombs, and continued to have a good time. At about 1:30, I decided it was pretty late and I should probably head home. I called Alamo Cab (I jumped out of a Yellow Cab last time) for a ride. But they tell me it'll be about 30 minutes. So I am in quite a dilemma when a friend from another firm proposes that I just jump in his cab, take it on home after it drops him off, and pay with his firms cab voucher.

So the cabbie drops him off, and proceeds to drive me home. I live a little ways from Dallas, so the cab fare ends up being $40. As we pull up to my house, I realize I have a cab voucher from a firm who doesn't know me, and more than likely rejected me during spring interviews. I really liked the cabbie, and I knew he had probably had a hard life, so I decided to he deserved a $30 tip. I was getting out of the cab when he pointed out that he need my name and signature. So I signed the voucher "LaMont Cranston" and stumbled into the house.

Getting Some Cat

2005-07-13T22:25:00.000-05:00

Check out this real email a summer clerk sent every lawyer at his firm:

To: *All Users - Dallas
Subject: NON-BUSINESS: mate for my cat

I have a Siamese cat that I would like to breed one time before I get her fixed. If anyone has a male Siamese/Balinese cat that they could provide for a session, we could work out some kind of arrangement (perhaps a free kitten or payment up to $100) if making your boy cat happy is not consideration enough. Please let me know soon if you or someone you know has a cat that could help out. Time is somewhat of the essence because I think my Kitty just went in heat last night!

What kind of fuck-stick sends this email to 100+ lawyers? I would quit if this guy got an offer at my firm.

Fighting Al Qaeda

2005-07-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

Last night, my firm had their Clerks Only Karaokee party. And by Clerks Only, they meant clerks only for the first hour, then a bunch of drunk attorneys showing up. So the party is in full swing, but I get bored, so I grab a cab to meet up with my first half firm. And yes, I was totally wasted.

So I am rolling in the cab across Dallas, having a great time with the cabbie, when I suddenly tell him I have a cab voucher. He takes a look at the voucher and tells me that he can't accept it. I don't have any cash on me (since I haven't paid for a meal, drink, or cab all summer) and I tell him its either the cab voucher or nothing. So the mother fucker tells me he is going to take me to the police station. Although I am not usually affected by such threats, I happened to be totally shit canned at the time, and I thought that this could mean bad things for my future. So as he pulls up to a corner, I reach up the passenger side door, unlock the doors, and slide open the minivan door. I try to get out, but as I am graciously exiting, the cabbie hits the gas and I bust my ass on the sidewalk. My jeans are ripped, my shoulder is bruised, and I have a huge scrape across the right side of my face.

Then the fucking cabbie starts following me around and calls the cops. The cops show up and ask me what's going on. I drunkely inform them that the cabbie wouldn't take a cab voucher from a law firm who has been around longer than he's been in the U.S. The cops ask if I have any money, I give them the five bucks that are in my wallet, and I am free to go.

So my question is, should I sue this cab company? False imprisonment, assault and battery, and a whole host of other torts come to mind. But I really don't know shit about the law, so I was hoping a few of you paid more attention in torts. If it sounds like a good case, and you happen to work on contigency, go ahead and give me a call.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I stole a cigarette from the cabbie right before I jumped out.

"superheroes and weaknesses"

2005-07-09T00:55:00.000-05:00

Every now and again (by which I mean daily), I check our blog statistics, including our daily and hourly visitors and top referrers. In the top referrers section, there are often a couple of google searches. Most of these are fairly simple--searches for "amicus curiae" or "amicus ruth" or "amicus antonin."

But today there was "superheroes and weaknesses."

And our blog was the fifth return.

Now I'm not really sure how Google's search technology works, but I was amused nevertheless.

Speaking of superheroes, I'm off to see Fantastic Four tomorrow. It's sure to suck (and even more so after the beauty that was Batman Begins), but I can't resist superhero movies. *sigh*

Ruth's Ten Commandments of the UT 1L Year

2005-07-07T21:56:00.000-05:00

Note: When I say that I'm going on a blawging hiatus, that usually means expect extra posting. It's like the moment I acknowledge that I've little to say, I suddenly think of a gazillion things I want to post. Most of these posts are short and are simply a better way of passing the time than, say, counting the number of freckles on my arm. But tonight's post has a tad bit more substance.

Anyway, the idea for this post originated here and I gacked it from PG over at De Novo. Without further ado, I bring you the Ten Commandments for UT 1Ls.

1. Thou shalt go party at Thursday night Bar Reviews. Thou needst not attend every single Bar Review, as a number of them doth suck, but thou hast no excuse for staying in to read while thy friends are getting smashed.

2. Thou shalt not be intimidated by gunners. Just because they talk in class doth not make them more intelligent than thou. Besides, they often shut up in the second semester once grades have come in.

3. Thou shalt exercise at least four times a week. All joking aside, keeping your body in shape will help keep your mind in shape.

4. Thou shalt eat Freebirds at least twice a month. I don't think this needst any further elaboration.

5. Thou shalt play Law School flag football. It's fun, and a good way to make friends with thy fellow small group-mates. Thy team needst not win in order to have a good time.

6. Thou shalt not freak out about grades. Thou will do well to remember that thou art at a good school and will find employment. I know a handful of people whose grades were far from fantastic, and we (yes, me as well) did just fine with summer jobs. Which leads me to my next commandment...

7. Thou shalt not labor under the misapprehension that thou must work during thy rising 2L summer. The summer before your 2L year is possibly the last summer you'll have in which you don't really have to do anything. If thou gets a good legal job, more power to thou. But summer school is good too. So are non-stressful jobs as bookstore clerks and lifeguards. Or just lounge if you can.

8. Thou shalt turn off the sounds on thy Instant Message programs. The less they go off in class, the less the professors will remind you that you shouldn't be on IM.

9. Thou shalt not freak out around finals time. I speak from experience. If thou worries about the final, and yet thou doeth well, then thy worrying was for nothing. If thou worries about the final, and thou doeth poorly, then thy worrying did not help thou to do well. Either way, worrying is pointless. Study according to what works well for thou, then hope for the best. It's often a crap shoot for grades anyway.

10. Thou shalt not be an asshat. Asshattery includes, but is not limited to, the following. Hiding or failing to put away books properly when thou knows that thy fellow students need said book. Forming a clique-like study group and being obnoxiously exclusive. Basically, taking the fact that thou art graded competively to the extreme. Thou may think that this is okay, but really it just makes people like thou less. If thou could not care less about such things, then by all means be an asshat. But don't be surprised when this backfires and thou findest that thy classmates treat thou with equal amounts of asshattery.

How Appropriate

2005-07-06T22:44:00.000-05:00

When Antonin and I chose our blogging names, we sort of just picked ones that sounded good and that made us chuckle. But today, I found out that Justices Scalia and Ginsburg are actually quite good personal friends. Now our blog names seem even more fitting.

Only I don't think I'd ever call my Antonin "Nino." It just doesn't go.

Girlfriends v. Finals: A Comparative Analysis

2005-07-06T19:28:00.000-05:00

Today's guest blogger is a fellow rising 2L from UT. He said we could add something that might give him away to those who know him, but everything that came to mind was obvious to fairly obvious.

Ruth would also like to add that she is not the type of girl to do the things described in this post. She has better things to do than call her boyfriend every few minutes.*

Enjoy,

Ruth and Antonin
------------------------

My thesis is very simple: in many ways, finals are like having a girlfriend. I will focus on the areas of cockblockage and time consumption.

Cockblock:

Recently I was sitting at a coffee shop studying for a summer school exam. I saw a hot girl that I had met here when I was studying for Spring finals. I got her number back then, but I never called because I didn’t have time (sad, I know). And by the time finals were over, it was too late to call. This is the classic finals cockblock. If you didn’t let it happen to you, than you are better man then I am (actually you are not, it’s just an expression).

The similarity to having a girlfriend is quite obvious. Nothing is more of a cockblock than a girlfriend. Anytime you are out without her, she will somehow strategically time her phone call for that moment when you are hitting on another girl. If you don’t pick up, you are just delaying the inevitable—she will call again, trust me guys…go ahead, step away from that attractive female you were hitting on and call your girlfriend back. Don’t bother listening to the two voicemails she left, they will just piss you off. Oh look, now you are outside the bar—buddy, you got a 20 minute conversation coming, at a minimum. You come back inside the bar. Now you either can’t find the girl or she’s flirting with your arch-nemesis.

Time Consuming:

Ever notice how much time you spend studying for finals when you could be doing something better? Of course you do. Ever notice how much time you spend with your girlfriend when you could be doing something better? You may not, but think about it.

You guys know the fact pattern: your friends call you to go get wasted on a random Wednesday night. “Yes,” you say, without hesitation. But oh wait, didn’t you promise your girlfriend that you would hang out with her tonight? You know, just the two of you…she hasn’t seen you since Sunday, and we all know the world will end if she doesn’t see you every few days. But won’t a 30 minute phone call do the trick? NO, it won’t, and you know it, so stop lying to yourself. Better call your buds back—“I can’t make it tonight, I promised my girlfriend to hang out with her.” Your friends will call you a pussy, even if they pulled the same shit last week. Just take the punishment silently, maybe with a chuckle. Arguing will only make it worse, as they will bring up countless other instances when you have punked out for the same reason.

Does that conversation sound familiar? Yes, it does. You had it during finals last semester. Except it was a Saturday night and you tell your friends you can't go out because you are studying for finals. Even though they are not in law school, they will understand, right? WRONG. They call you a pussy and hang up. Now you go back to studying pissed off at the world. It's ok, it will all be over soon and you can finally have some time to hang out with your girlfriend. She hasn't seen you all that much since you are always studying.
------------------------

* This is fortunate, especially when you consider that she doesn't actually have a boyfriend.

Ruth = AFK... sort of

2005-07-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

In nine days I'll be making a flight to Houston and reading the new Harry Potter book with 25 of my closest friends. I'm so excited that I can hardly think about anything else, let alone blog.

I doubt, however, that any of you will be very interested in my fan girlish squeals as The Big Day draws nigh. I will therefore retreat to my personal blog for the next few weeks, while my inner nerd runs free. Any blogging I do here will probably be short, sweet, and without much of a point. Eventually I hope to say something about Sandra Day, but right now, I only seem capable of comparing her to members of the wizarding high court in HP, and again, I don't plan to subject you all to that.

In the meantime, Antonin and some upcoming guest contributors will be carrying the blog. I'll be here with more substance once the excitement of the book has worn off.

Oh, but I did want to let y'all know that the Judge wants to publish the opinion I wrote. I would be lying if I said I wasn't totally thrilled. Federal Supplement, here I come! :)

Heatwave

2005-06-30T23:01:00.000-05:00

Background: Today it was 108 degrees. This morning there was no AC in the courtroom.

I felt like Atticus Finch, but without the dramatic closing argument or the important moral message.

I was reminded of southern white male lawyers who used to practice in the days before things like AC, with the courtroom windows thrust wide open, and the women in the back fanning themselves and wearing white sundresses. Only the windows weren't open, the courtroom was much more diverse, and no one had a southern drawl.

It would've been nice to have a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from my brow, though.

Thank all that is good in the world that we didn't have trial.

I Know What You Did This Summer: Part 2, Research Assistant

2005-06-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

Today's poster is a rising 2L at a Top 50 law school and would like to remain Anonymous. Ruth would like to point out that she's jealous of his carefree days and also that if all research assistantships require such little work, she'd like to know where to sign up.

Remember, if you'd like to share your summer experience with our readers, email us at amicuscuriae.blog @ gmail dot com.

Thanks,

Ruth and Antonin

~*~*~

I wake up later and later every day. I have class that starts at 9 am, but somehow I manage to convince myself that it’s ok to get out of bed at 8:30. I don’t read for that class.

After class, I get out of the law school as fast as I can. I flip the bird to the library in my mind as I throw open the door and exit into warmth and sunlight. Sometimes I spend the rest of the day sitting outside at a coffeehouse just watching people walk by.

I spend a lot of time reading random blogs on the internet. The really good ones are partisan political blogs. I like to pick a recent post and rip it apart just to bait people into arguments.

Lately I’ve been inventing reasons to go to the shop that sells home coffee accessories. In the past two weeks, I’ve bought a stovetop espresso maker, a milk frother, and a pot for Turkish coffee. Really, I just go so I can hit on the girl who works there.

It’s always a tough decision what to eat for dinner. Hmm, a salad? Nah, a burger? Maybe a sub sandwich. I hardly ever cook at home.

I usually drink a beer with whatever I’m eating for dinner. Sometimes I wonder how many beers it takes to get a beer belly. It’s not looking good.

After dinner, I play some video games or watch a DVD or two. If I’m bored, I’ll fire up the internet again and bait some wingers into a frenzy. That’s what they get for putting it on the internets. I think I’ve been banned from five or six sites.

I usually fall asleep around 2 am.

Also, I’m a research assistant for a prof at the law school.

I Know What You Did This Summer: Part 1, Summer School

2005-06-26T23:28:00.000-05:00

For the next week or two, we're doing something a little different here at A-C. With our busy summer schedules (Antonin and his many firm functions and Ruth with her summer novel reading and movie watching), we thought we'd open up the floor to some of our readers, because there is more to law school summers than the posh firm job and the federal judicial internship.

Our first guest contributor goes by the pen name, Poindexter, which, coincedentally, is the alleged middle name of the judge for whom Ruth works. Poindexter, like many of our upcoming guest contributors, is a Rising UT 2L. It is rumored that he knows our true identies, and is known in some circles for his amazingly accurate impressions of certain professors and students.

Enjoy.

Ruth and Antonin

~*~*~

I like hearing about all of your clerkships/interships/summer associateships etc. It sounds very exciting and I can't wait to be out there next summer. But I thought you all might like to know what it's like for those of us who took the summer school route.

I wake up and go to class.

OK, there's more to it than that. The first two hours of the day are spent in a room chilled to a temperature at which meat can be stored. The class is called, Professional Responsibility and the subject is legal ethics. But we like to call it "what you can and cannot get away with." The good thing about this class is there appears to be no reason to read for it whatsoever. The professor doesn't call on anyone and he tells us everything we need to know for the test.

My afternoon class is just the opposite. There appears to be no reason to go to class. Everything is covered in the reading and the reading is VERY clear. The odd thing, both classes are taught be the same professor.

That class is called Alternative Dispute Resolution. To do well in it, you have to be comfortable with using a lot of pithy metaphors to make your point. This class would be great training for anyone who wants to write bumperstickers, Hallmark cards, or conduct seminars on how to get rich quick.

To be honest, alternative dispute resolution is a lot milder than I anticipated. I was imagining settling things over arm wrestling contests, one shot a ten paces, or hanging from the nearest tree - that sort of thing. Turns out, it involves a lot of talking, and metaphors. Good lord there are a lot of metaphors.

Alas, all this fun comes to an end in a week or so with two withering finals. I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of the summer except a lot of wasted time at Barton Springs. So when you're putting on that tie or pulling up those hose getting ready for another day in your air conditioned offices, think of us poor suckers having another unproductive day at the pool. I only hope they finally installed wireless internet at Barton Springs so I can continue checking for my summer grades all day long.

~*~*~

If you'd like to share your summer experiences with our readers, email us at amicuscuriae.blog @ gmail dot com. We assume you know our usual style and tone and can gather from that what we're looking for. Include a short bio (two lines will suffice, mainly we want to know where you go to school) and your name (though a pseudonym or even Anonymous is cool too).

Shameless Plug

2005-06-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

But the more people who take the survey, the better sample they'll have.

Things Not To Say to A Judge: Part 1

2005-06-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

The following things should probably not be said to a judge, especially during sentencing.

1. "She told me she was 16."

2. "The immigration judge was wrong."

3. "Well, I didn't ask you to put me in jail."

The last entry on the list deserves a little more context. Defendant told the judge that he hadn't been eating in jail because the food isn't good (actually, because the food wasn't as good as his mom's).

Judge replies, "Well it is jail."

Defendant says, "Well, I didn't ask you to put me in jail." Once he realized this probably wasn't a smart thing to say, he backtracked, "I didn't request to be put in jail."

At times like that, I really wish we were allowed to show expression in the courtroom. It was... whoa.

Unfortunately for the defendants who made the above-listed comments, this list wasn't compiled until it was already too late for them.

Batman Begins

2005-06-22T00:08:00.000-05:00

The reason I haven't posted lately is because I finally saw Batman Begins on Saturday and have been unable to think of much else since. I finally gave up any hope of posting a non-Batman entry and decided that a few comments about the movie would be okay, especially considering how many of you commented on my last superhero post.

Here are my few comments: Best. Batman. Movie. Ever.

Okay, that was only one commment. Just repeat it in your head a few times.

Like Jen, I too found myself wondering who would pay for each building/water pipe/train thingie that was destroyed during the movie. And I think I've finally figured out a solution to some of the property damage issues. What about restitution? After all, the superheroes arguably wouldn't smash up all those buildings if the bad guys didn't leave them with no other choice. So when the bad guys are sentenced, the good judges of Gotham could probably just add restitution. I'm sure guys like The Penguin could afford it.

Of course, you'd still have to deal with the number of corrupt judges... but that's a post for another time.

The Tollway Bandit

2005-06-20T17:48:00.000-05:00

As many people might know, the Dallas metroplex has become overrun with tollways. To get anywhere in the area you have to pay at least $1.50 in tolls, sometimes upwards of $3.00 a trip. Unless you are a rebel like me. I refuse to pay tolls and I don't give a damn. More importantly, I am very good at it. I've been running tolls in Dallas for the last five years, and I have never received a ticket in the mail. It might have something to do with the fact that I have moved 6 times in those 5 years, but I like to think has something to do with my mad tollway robbing skills.

See, I don't just blow through the toll tag line at 80 miles an hour like some amateur. Rather, I pull up to the coin booth like I am going to pay the toll, throw two pennies into the machine, and then drive off. Sometimes, when I think the tollway detectives are hot on my trail, I'll even stick my head out the window and pretend I dropped money on the ground. That way if they are watching closely, they will just think I missed the basket and drove off without putting more in.

I suppose someday I might be caught. You can only stay on the Tollway Authorities Most Wanted list for so long. But I like to think I am smarter than those tollway detectives, and I hope I can be an inspiration to others looking to stick it to the man. The toll man.

5 Things Not to Say at a Firm Dinner

2005-06-18T10:02:00.000-05:00

5. "I dated a girl like that, but then she became a stripper and a bisexual."

4. "Yeah, you can't help but look at some titties."

3. "I can drive home. I'll just close one eye."

2. "I think I've put more hours into drinking than I billed today at work."

1. Telling the recruiting coordinator that she is way out of her boyfriends league, and she could do much better (while pointing to yourself).

Can't really tell if I will be asked to come back. They either thought I was hilarious, or a drunken ass. I'm betting on the latter.

Public Service Announcement

2005-06-16T22:56:00.000-05:00

Lesson #1: The smallest amount of cocaine for Federal Sentencing Guidelines purposes is "less than 25 grams."

If you are caught with 1 gram of cocaine, all other things being equal, you're getting the same amount of time as the guy with 24.9 grams of cocaine.

The lesson? If you're going to get caught with less than 25 grams of cocaine, make sure it's as close to 25 grams as possible.¹

Lesson #2: When you cut drugs with other substances (like milk powder for example), they weigh the total amount of the substance containing the drug. They don't separate the drugs first and then weigh it.

The lesson? If you've got a whole lotta milk powder with only a tiny bit of heroin, you're going to prison for having a whole lotta heroin.²

This public service announcement was brought to you by Amicus Curiae and the letter D. Remember kids, crack is whack.

-----------------------------------
¹ This is not to be confused with legal advice.
² Neither is this.

Happy Blogging!

2005-06-15T22:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was International Weblogger's Day.

Erm...happy belated Blog Day?

Figures, it's an international day of blogging, and neither of us blogged.

Superhero Liability

2005-06-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

Despite my ultra-cool exterior and trendy fashion sense, I'm actually ~~a bit of~~ a real geek. One of my favorite geeky pastimes is watching Justice League Unlimited (and before it became "Unlimited," just plain old Justice League). I'm a sucker for comic book cartoons, and especially those done in the style of Batman the Animated Series.

Tonight's episode featured Superman and Captain Marvel (aka Shazam) duking it out and causing billions of dollars in property damage. Superman (checking with the League's financial guy, Batman) insists that the League will pay for the damage, but Lex Luthor (who is running for President) says he'll foot the bill instead.

This quick exchange got me thinking: Superheroes (and heroines) are often causing lots of property damage as they go about doing their whole "saving the world" thing. Are they liable for that damage? Do they, perhaps, contract with the cities they usually save or have statutes written so that they are exempted from liability?

And how does the presence of Superheroes affect other legal thingamabobs? Do capital murder statutes include the killing of a costumed hero that the defendant knew was a costumed hero acting in his official capacity? Does Superman's x-ray vision bring up any privacy issues? What about mind reading? Or if an ordinary person is hit by a psychic forcefield--is that a battery? Are Superheroes exempt from things like deadly conduct statutes? Should Hawkgirl, upon her betrayal of the League (and Earth for that matter), have been prosecuted for treason?

I realize that some of these issues were addressed in The Incredibles, but I think DC and the Justice League Unlimited producers ought to spend a little more time thinking through these things. I'm all for the willing suspension of disbelief, but to blindly believe that all of their destruction doesn't have any legal consequences is a bit much... even for a geek like me.

Monthly House-keeping Note

2005-06-11T21:19:00.000-05:00

Going to update the Links side-bar probably tomorrow night. Feel free to make suggestions or shamelessly plug your own blog. We don't mind spreading the lurve.

Though it's sort of like, "I read Amicus Curiae every day, and all I got was this lousy link."

Sorry, but it's all we can offer. We ran out of the limited edition Amicus Curiae thongs weeks ago.

Phone Phun

2005-06-10T14:21:00.000-05:00

Today, after going to some ridiculously expensive lunch (again), all of us clerks decided that we should work even less than we usually do. So we started conference calling each other and everyone thought this was a hoot. As we continued to add more clerks to our "conference call o' fun", some dumbass accidentally called a partner in corporate securities. The laughing and joking continued for a few seconds, but then everyone slowly realized that there was something very different about our newly added conferencee and hung up. About 15 minutes later the recruiting coordinator sent us all an email stating that the phones were for law firm business only. Up until now, I liked my chances of getting asked back. Oh well, I guess there's always ambulance chasing.

For the Fans

2005-06-09T11:27:00.000-05:00

After a huge public outcry over my leaving the blog, I have decided to stay on board. Although things are still far from perfect here at Amicus Curiae, I am willing to battle through it for all of you...my beloved fans. So in honor of my return, here is a little rant from yours truly:

"Brevity is the soul of wit." -William Shakespeare

People who have really been pissing me off lately are people who over-blog. I realize that the idea behind a blog is to write about what is on your mind, or maybe something cool that happened to you. But writing about everything that is on your mind, or everything that happened to you today is boring. The ultimate goal behind a blog is that someone else will read it, and 95% of the people out there don't want to read four pages on what you did today. You need to pick something interesting, and write about it in a concise, interesting way. If I have to scroll down to finish your post, you've probably said too much. Now this isn't a bright rule, as some posts will require you to be more verbose. But when the number and length of you posts for a month could fill a medium size novel, you need to think about slowing down. As Dickens once said, "Vices are sometimes only virtues carried to excess."

Update: This post has nothing to do with Ruth

Open Letters

2005-06-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

Dear El Paso Drivers,

When merging into traffic on the freeway, it is customary to increase your speed to match that of the traffic with which you are merging. Slowing down to ten miles an hour is not going to get you safely onto Interstate 10. I recommend retaking driver's ed.

Annoyedly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Justice Scalia,

WTF is up with your Raich concurrence? I thought better of you.

Disappointedly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Antonin (my Antonin, not the abovementioned SCOTUS Justice),

Dude, what's up? I thought you were going to post that thing you were telling me about last night. I was eager to read it. As soon as you read this entry, post it. Actually, I'll probably just call you and tell you to post it.

Impatiently Yours,
Ruth

P.S.--You are in serious need of a new phone.

***

Dear Infamous El Guapo,

How about brisket this weekend at my place? And remind me to call my apartment complex. And stop referring to me as Castro.

Amusedly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Law Professors,

Grades would be nice. But if mine aren't good, there's no rush. Right now I'm just thrilled to finally be an "average" student. *does the average student dance*

Anxiously Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear CSOs,

While I appreciate the available sodas in your office at the discounted rate of $0.50 per can, I would appreciate it even more if you had Diet Cherry Coke. In the meantime, the Diet Dr. Pepper will suffice.

Thanks,
Ruth

***

Dear Miami Heat,

You were so close. So close. I couldn't even watch the final minute.

Dejectedly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Alfred,

I actually don't have anything specific, but didn't want you to feel left out. :P

Unspecificly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Federal Courts,

Is the use of the words "draw nigh," and "ye" really necessary? I feel like I'm in Enland and ought to have a Towne Crier bell or a white, curly wig or something.

Confusedly Yours,
Ruth

***

Dear Johnny Depp,

You are beautiful. Thank you for being beautiful. I shall see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at least twice this summer.

Mmmmmmyours,
Ruth

***

Dear Self,

You're going to fall asleep at work tomorrow if you don't get a full night's sleep tonight. Quit blogging and go to bed.

Naggingly Yours,
Ruth

Antonin, Signing Off

2005-06-07T22:37:00.000-05:00

Well, the truth is out. I have been wanting to post for a few days now, but I have been buried under that avalanche that is Ruth's blogging. There was time, a time when we had a deal as co-bloggers to alternate posts. But now that Ruth gets to see drug dealers, illegal border crossers, and horny U.S. Marshalls, I have become but a memory. So I have decided it is time for me to depart this electronic world. I am pretty sure no one wants to hear about me writing research memos, eating expensive lunches, and getting drunk on some big firms tab. The time has come for me to find myself, especially my electronic, anonymous self. I have decided to explore this electronic wilderness alone, and I am afraid I cannot take any of you with me. So this is your friend Antonin saying farewell, good luck, and God Bless.

P.S. If you are upset about me leaving, blame Ruth. If you aren't upset, blame your parents for raising a child with no feelings.

Immigration 101

2005-06-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

Today's lesson: don't try to sneak into the United States from Mexico.

Sure, some people manage it, and I am in awe of those people. I can't see how they pull it off.

Work, Day 5, included a tour of the U.S./Mexico border with a border patrol agent. Along with agents on bikes and seismic readers, we learned that the border contains roughly 2 million cameras. Okay, that may have been a tiny exaggeration, but not by much.

The camera room felt very Big Brother. Just to show us how bad ass the cameras were, they went ahead and zoomed in really close on this one car. We were not only able to see that the guy was drinking a soda, but also where he bought the soda. We were also able to see that he wore glasses, a wristwatch on his right arm, and that he enjoyed long walks on the beach. And before you think, "oh, that's why people just try to cross at night when the cameras can't see them," you might want to be aware of the infrared cameras (which were scary in the sense of privacy, etc, but pretty damn cool otherwise).

So, we're watching the multitude of cameras. People crossing the bridge on camera 1. River (if you can call it that) on camera 3. Canal on camera 7. Family swimming in canal on camera 6. Kids fishing on camera 12. Blah, blah, kind of boring...

::radio beep::

"Yeah, we've got two swimmers that just headed north."

Suddenly camera 6 is up on the bigger screen, and the agent is directing it towards the swimmers. We're able to see them swim into a ditch, and then they're out of our sight.

The agent scrolls back over and we see the Border Patrol SUV heading across the little bridge to check it out. We waited several minutes while we watched the agent get out, and check out the ditch. Then she went in.

The camera panned across to where the ditch lets out. Nothing. We wait a few more minutes. The agent asks if we want to stay or start our driving tour of the actual border. It was obvious the rest of my party wanted to stay but didn't want to be rude, so I spoke up and asked if we could wait a few more minutes to see if the agent would catch them. We wait some more.

She emerges from the other end of the ditch, the two swimmers handcuffed together in front of her. Pretty awesome.

We also learned that it's not the agents who actually stop you who decide that you look suspicious. By the time you're stopped, they've already been watching you via camera. So if someone's sneaking something/someone across, they need to get their game face on way before they usually realize.

So I decided today that whenever I come into the United States, I'll go ahead and use a designated port of entry, rather than--say--a canal opening. This is, of course, how I've always returned to the U.S. after a night of partying in Mexico, but just in case the canal were to ever look enticing, now I know that they will only lead to disappointment.

***

On tomorrow's agenda: tour of a low-security federal prison. Note to self: wear pants, not skirt and button shirt all the way up.

Someone's Always Sick

2005-06-05T23:17:00.000-05:00

I've only been in the Judge's chambers for four days, but I can already see how lawyers (in this case those in criminal law) can grow cynical.

On Day One I truly felt for the defendants who were being sentenced. Felt their pain as they asked the judge for forgiveness and mercy, their voices choked up, their eyes watery. I even crossed my fingers for them, hoping the judge would give them bottom of the Guidelines. I mean, he normally wouldn't have brought those 350 lbs. of weed over the border, but his wife needed an operation and he didn't have any other choice.

On Day Two, I noticed that there were some more defendants with family members who needed an operation. And they were equally apologetic to the United States.

Day Three brought yet another defendant with a sick family member. It's as if there is some black market program that advertises drug/people smuggling money to pay for operations. All they have to do is get the weed/cocaine/alien into the U.S.

By Day Four, I wasn't sure if I believed the defendant about his wife's need for an operation. I also began to notice that very few of them ever said what sort of operation was needed. Just a general operation.

Finally, over lunch with three other interns (two of which are serving in different chambers), I asked about it. It turns out that it's the same in their court. The defendants always apologize to the U.S. and ask the judge to forgive them.

"Oh," one intern added, "and someone's always sick."

"Yeah, and they always promise not to come back to the U.S.," another intern chimed in. "As if anyone's supposed to believe that when they've got eighteen prior illegal re-entries."

Granted, there are a few defendants (like this one guy who brought his uncle over when his grandma was dying) whose stories are legit, but they are few and fairly far between. So while I still believe the defendants deserve the best defense possible, I just think that after seeing such similar stories day after day, it'll be a little harder for me to sympathize with every defendant who gets sentenced.

Now speaking of sentencing, can any of you explain U.S. v. Booker to me? I understand that it made the Federal Sentencing Guidelines advisory, but I don't understand why mandatory sentencing guidelines violated the 6th amendment but advisory sentencing guidelines don't. What is it about the mandatory-ness that makes the Guidelines (or rather, the statute that authorizes the Guidelines) unconstitutional?

And every time I read Booker, all I can think of is Captain Barbosa from Pirates of the Carribbean saying, "They're more like guidelines than actual rules."

Ruth on the Marshal's Most Wanted List?

2005-06-03T22:00:00.000-05:00

There was a U.S. marshal totally checking me out in court today.

I thought it was just my imagination, but then my co-intern said, "Hey, did you see that marshal that was staring at you during the morning setting?"

I'm so amused.

And yet, I can't help but wonder if he's single...

ADDENDUM: It just dawned on me that perhaps the Court Security Officer told him that I'm a porn star.

Contest

2005-06-02T10:36:00.000-05:00

I am at work and I have nothing to do. And when I say nothing, I mean it in the most literal sense. I even googled the word "bored" and tried to find famous quotes that best fit my present state of mind. I've emailed my project coordinator, the recruiting coordinator, and my associate mentor, telling them all I need work, and still nothing. Let me make it clear that I am not complaining about making $420 a day to surf the internet and blog, but I would like to get an invitation to come back to this firm next summer. But until they assign me something, all I can do is sit here and wait.

So we are going to have a contest to see who can come up with the best idea of what I can do to pass the time today. Looking at porn and talking on IM are out, so you'll have to get creative. The person who comes up with the best idea wins a free copy of the memo I just finished on gasoline consignment law (but you have to pay the postage). Let the games began! Ay-O!

My Reputation Precedes Me

2005-05-31T23:06:00.000-05:00

This post is for Alfred, who once told me that when he first heard my name, he thought something similar. And because he laughed when I told him this story over the phone tonight.

So today was my first day of work. And since we were in trial most of the day, the only other thing we really had time for was a short tour of the judge's chambers and introducing ourselves to the Court Security Officers downstairs.

This is the conversation that took place:

Me: Hi, I'm [real name].

CSO 1: Nice to meet you, [real name].

Me: Nice to meet you as well.

CSO 2: Wait a second... [real name]? (Lowers voice so only I can hear him.) Not the porn star though, right?

Me: o_O

Yes, you heard me correctly. On my first day at work I was asked by a Court Security Officer whether I was a porn star.

The only thing that might have been worse would be if he'd heard my name and immediately looked at me more closely to see if he recognized me, as that would mean that he's seen enough of the other [real name]'s work to know that I wasn't her.

Those of you who know my real name can Google me to see who I'm talking about. Though you'll also see that it's pretty hard to confuse the two of us. We don't look much alike.

In which we question Ruth's intelligence...

2005-05-30T19:14:00.000-05:00

Relatively fair (yet tan-able) skin + baby oil + 20 minutes in Texas sun = stupid idea.

Really stupid idea.

*pokes sunburn*

Ouch.

In my defense, it didn't look like I'd gotten any sun at all earlier. Then a few hours later, I look like a tomato.

I'm sure it will be a great look for tomorrow's first day of work (although I should probably rethink the red shirt I picked out).

Now I'm off to find some Aloe Vera.

What?

2005-05-30T02:07:00.000-05:00

I actually said this last night:

"He did not have the cognitive capacity to withstand my barrage of verbal abuse."

Let me defend myself by mentioning that I was really fucked up.

Nuggets of Knowledge

2005-05-27T21:29:00.000-05:00

My firm made me attend a "Professionalism and Ethics Conference" put on by the Dallas Bar Association, and I came away with some insightful knowledge. Here are the evaluation and notes I took while in attendance:

Evaluation
Keynote address: Good speech, Atticus Finch is fucking awesome
Breakout session with Judges: This didn't feel like a discussion, but rather a stern lecture from my grandfather
Mentor Panel Discussion: I had a really hard time trying to slit my wrist with the butter knife
Any other comments or suggestions: The open bar should have started at the beginning of the conference

Lessons from the Conference
- law students have no sense of morals and ethics; they will fuck anyone over to win. Given a hypothetical where a 5 year old would know the difference between right and wrong, law students struggle between doing the right thing and "balancing their clients interests"
- law students who have the big firm, high paying jobs think they are awesome. People who suddenly start getting big paychecks, although temporarily, think their dicks just grew 5 inches.*
- lawyers are boring. They speak to hear their own voices and to advertise their self importance.
- the only people who like to talk more than lawyers are judges. And judges are just former lawyers who consider themselves even more important now than before.
- lawyers have no problem spending 30-45 minutes stating the obvious (e.g. its a good idea to have a mentor)
- an open bar after the conference helps melt a lot of the frustration away

*This excludes the humble your's truly (5 inches would just be overkill)

Law School: Love It or Hate It?

2005-05-27T20:59:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that many people hate law school. Really and truly hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand supernovas. Whether it's the people, the school, the city, the professors, the workload, the mentality, whatever... they just loathe the entire thing.

I am one of those types that loves law school. I have great friends, a social life, I go to a good school, like most of my professors, and find most of my classes interesting (Property and Contracts notwithstanding--at least in terms of interesting professors), and don't mind the studying too much either. Yeah, it's not perfect by a long shot, and there are times when I'm certainly tired and stressed, but over all I liked it more than I disliked it (granted I only have one year under my belt). Maybe it's just my never-ending optimism at work, but I just like the whole law school thing.

I thought maybe liking law school was a UT thing for a while (perhaps because I'd really only talked about it with Antonin and we seemed to be on the same page) but then some of my close friends at UT mentioned how much they hated law school and that they'd seriously considered quitting.

So I'm curious, dear readers: why did/do you love/hate law school? If you hate it, what keeps you there? Have you ever seriously considered quitting, and if so, what changed your mind? If you love it, what do you love about it?

~~Inquiring minds~~ I want to know.

Not Even My First Day At Work...

2005-05-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

...and I already managed to embarrass myself.

Went up to the courthouse to pick up a packet of personnel-type paperwork, and it was quite obvious that it was my first time in the federal courthouse. First, I fumbled with my purse and ID in front of the U.S. Marshals, then they had to point out the elevators to me (despite the fact that they were right in front of me). Once I got upstairs, I followed the directions the Marshals gave me and found the Judge's chambers, but once I'd walked in those doors there were two more to choose from.

I chose the wrong door, and interrupted a hearing that was being conducted by a Federal Magistrate.

Oops.

Someone official-looking directed me to the correct place, and I made it safely into the Judge's chambers, where I met his Judicial Assistant, his clerks, and the court reporter. Also got to chat a bit with the Judge himself.

Everyone seems really nice, but I'm not going to lie... I'm pretty nervous. My grades aren't what one would call stellar by any stretch of the imagination, so I feel like I have to rely on my ~~stunning good looks~~ personality and on good recommendations for future jobs. So I feel like it's even more important that I do well this summer.

For Tuesday morning, however, I would be happy to just get there on time and not get lost.

Also had a really greasy lunch today, courtesy The Infamous El Guapo. (I think he's trying to bump himself up on the curve by killing me by way of a heart attack.) That's the problem with law school: you can never tell who your real friends are. What seems like a kind gesture is really just an attempt to get ahead. ;)

2005-05-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

Now That's What I Call Ironic

2005-05-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

Many of you will remember that civil procedure is not my best subject.

Well I was talking to a friend today (who is doing the same kind of work I'll be doing starting in June), and it turns out that my favorite subject figures fairly heavily in most of his assignments. I'll probably be doing a lot of the same type of stuff as he's doing now.

Someone please help me to contain my overwhelming joy.

Hopefully civil procedure will make more sense when I see it in action than it does when I'm just reading about it. Nevertheless, I still had to laugh at my luck. I pick a subject to hate and it's guaranteed to come back to haunt me. On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be doing transactional work, which might lead to me stabbing myself in the neck with a ballpoint pen.

I also spent more money than I could comfortably afford on work clothes today. This hurt me a great deal, as I'm quite the jeans and t-shirt type of girl. And I still need a pair of brown pumps and two pairs of nylons. Hate.

I should actually start wearing my work clothes this week for a practice run, as it will probably take me at least that long to learn to walk properly in my shoes and get used to wearing skirts. Oh, and the 100 degree heat? Not. Helpful. At. All.

[/gripemoancomplainbitchwhine]

Yeah. I should stop. Despite the tone above, I am actually quite excited to start my job, even if it does require me to wear skirts, heels, and pantyhose.

Guess who's back, back again...

2005-05-18T17:54:00.000-05:00

That's right fools, Antonin's back in the house. Finals and starting the new job threw things off, but now I'm back with a vengence. I've found that being a summer associate is kind of like doing Legal Research and Writing all day, so I'm pretty sure I've gotten to the bottom of why most lawyers are alcoholics. They do take you out to bad ass lunches everyday and then happy hours after work, so it's not all bad. But you can't get totally shit canned at the happy hours, so its more of just a tease. As soon as I decide I don't want to work for a particular firm, I'm going to start getting black-out drunk at those things. Anyways, sorry for the randomness, but I felt like I need to put something up. I don't want this board becoming Ruth's excess estrogen dump.

P.S. No hot girls at work. Might have to title summer "The Summer of Celibacy"
P.S.S. Law Review Write-On Competition. There. I said it. I'm not a bitch like Ruth.

[The Competition Which Must Not Be Named]

2005-05-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

I was going to post something funny and insightful (read: I'm bored and the trees are blocking the sun by the pool) about [The Competition Which Must Not Be Named], but apparently we're not allowed to talk about it without risking ~~death or serious bodily injury~~ an honor code violation. Okay, so that's a bit of a generalization, but still...

I may have already said too much.

*glances around nervously*

Well as long as there aren't any Texas Law Review Hitmen (or women) outside my door, waiting to hand down an honor code violation for mentioning [The Competition Which Must Not Be Named], I hope to maybe scrape something together for this.

And bon chance to all 1Ls who are about to embark on similar (and equally secretive) writing competitions. May your ~~pens be swift~~ keyboards all work properly.

In other news, my apartment is about half ready for me to go. What is the likelihood that I'll be ready to go by my scheduled departure time? What is the likelihood that I'll actually schedule a departure time? Will we ever hear from Antonin again? For the answers to these delving questions and many more... tune in to our next post. Same Amici time,* same Amici URL.

*Actual times may vary. Check your local listings. And my apologies for the random use of French.

I Can See Clearly Now That the Rain is Gone

2005-05-16T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have a long list of things I need to get done before leaving the city of Austin, and absolutely no motivation to do it. Last night I did manage to clean up my kitchen, but instead of vaccuuming afterwards as I'd meant to, I decided to geek out a bit and read around seven issues of Sandman. (And as an aside, I don't really care for the artist of these particular seven.) I think the only reason I'll get started on my errands today is because it's calling for rain. I'll get all my errands done on the rainy day and use tomorrow for laying in the sun by the pool and doing nothing of importance.

I think this is why there is the supposed attitude shift between the 1L and 2L year. We come in as a 1L, not sure what to expect, and we get swept up in the current of books, and library, and studying. We get in that herd mentality, and part of the reason we study is because everyone else is. We get so wrapped up in wanting to be at the top of our class that we forsake all else in our lives, convinced that good grades are the key to life, happiness, and getting laid on a Friday night. None of this is true, of course, but as a 1L, we sometimes forget that.

Then we finish that last final. And drink for several days without a significant pause. It's only then that we remember what life was like, and that realization is like a drug. We crave that feeling of anti-urgency. We must have days filled with doing nothing of importance. And once we get the taste of it following that last final, we vow never to lose ourselves in school again. We decide that we'll either go to class or read the material, rather than doing both and reading the hornbook as well the way we did as 1Ls. We decide no more Friday classes--the weekends will be ours to do anything or nothing (depending on our mood). We decide that grades are overrated and arbitrary, so why should we work our asses off when it doesn't guarantee that we'll do well?

The completion of the last final is an eye-opener of epic proportions. Not only do we become 2Ls on paper, but we become 2Ls in mind and spirit. And it is that spirit of no longer caring that carries us the rest of the way through law school. The herd mentality is still there, of course, only now we're not studying because no one else is.

Now, should I actually get dressed for the day or should I take a nap on my couch? Decisions, decisions...

Co-Blogging from Ruth's House

2005-05-14T22:22:00.000-05:00

Ruth: You don't think these girls don't know what they're doing? You're a smart, good-looking, funny guy. They see you're a good catch and they try to get their hooks in you as quickly as possible.

Antonin: But they don't have hooks, so they try to use their vaginas.

That's what happens after a few beers and a Will Ferrell movie.

Summer Blogging

2005-05-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

Some of our fans* have voiced concern about the state of our blog over the summer. Rest assured that Antonin and I plan to blog throughout the summer. When we're not crying about how we'll never make it through the whole summer without one another, we're discussing some different topics, themes, and other general ideas for the blog. Okay, Antonin's not crying. Just me. I'm the sappy one of the duo.

Things may be quiet around here for a few days, while we're both packing up and getting ready to ~~remove to federal court~~ head to our respective summer headquarters. But once we're settled in, expect regular posting.

*Wow, how fun is that to say? [/silliness]

Blind Pig

2005-05-12T18:56:00.000-05:00

Party starts in two hours. I suggest you don't miss it.

Congrats to all the UT 1Ls who finished their first year of law school today. Double points for those of you who tail-gated in the Trinity parking garage immediately after the exam. I started drinking at 12:15. Heh.

Oh, look at the time... seems like I'm due for dinner and more drinking. See you at the Blind Pig.

The End of the Year Party

2005-05-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

For those of you who ignore the Weekly Law Announcements, I just wanted to let you know that the Texas Law Bachelor Society is hosting the End of the Year Party at the Blind Pig on 6th Street from 9:00 to 2:00 Thursday, May 12. If you are still in Austin, and you're not there, then you are lame.

Some of you will remember the kick ass end of the semester party at the Blind Pig back in December, hosted by the Roberts Brothers and SBA. This will be along the same lines, as you'll notice both Roberts Brothers are founding members of TLBS.

Anyway, it's for everyone (not just TLBS members or anything like that), and don't forget to get a wristband at the door for $1 wells and $2 domestics all night long. And I hear the band is quite good.

See y'all there.

Law School Drug Testing

2005-05-11T12:19:00.000-05:00

After going through my second round of law school exams, I have come to the conclusion that random drug testing needs to be implemented for all law students. Adderall abuse is on the rise in American higher education and it is something that must be stopped. Let me first make clear that this does arise from my concern for the health of law students, but rather from Adderall's performance enhancing capabilities. If law students want to shorten their life spans in other ways, I am all for it. But Adderall is the steroids of the academic world and it gives a distinct physical advantage to those willing to sacrifice their health for good grades. Just like steroids have tainted the integrity of baseball, Adderall taints the academic intergrity of law school. Therefore the higher ups of the law school community must take affirmative action to put a stop to this growing epidemic.

I consider myself to be akin to the old timers of baseball, like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle, bringin mad skills to the table despite excessive drinking, smoking, and womanizing. When I show up to an exam so drunk it seems like I was just handed three tests, I take The Mick's advice and "just go for the middle one." But these Adderall freaks are the Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi's of today. They might put up huge numbers, like 4.2 GPA's, but everyone knows there should be an asterisk next to it because the record is tainted. Much like Bond's 73 homeruns, people will always wonder if these people could have gotten the same grades if they hadn't been so jacked up on Adderall.

Some people might argue that some people really have ADD and should be able to use Adderall to treat their problem. But anything less than a strict zero tolerance policy just cannot be allowed. Do you think baseball players should be able to complain that they were born weaker than other people and therefore they should be able to take steroids? Absolutely not. If you have bad ADD and you need Adderall to get through school, maybe you're not meant to be here in the first place. Go find a profession that isn't going to require you to devote long, continuous amounts of attention to your work and you'll probably have a much happier life.

So I will be forming an investigative committee that will began evaluating the plausibility of a serious drug testing program. Sure, drug companies will probably always be ahead of the game, creating new forms of Adderall that we can't detect, but we'll stay persistent. So next year when you hear in the news that President Bush is going to urge Congress to take action against academic drug use if schools administrators don't get serious, you'll know where it all started.

The Lachrymose Library*

2005-05-10T08:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

If you came to this blog looking for a clever, witty, and well-composed tale about the blunders of a University of Texas 1L, I humbly suggest you look elsewhere. Today's tale is filled with copious amounts of anguish and woe. Today I bring you the story of beleaguered law students, trapped in the bleak abyss that is the Tarlton Law Library. This is not a story for the faint of heart. If you are in the midst of finals and in need of a laugh, you will be much better off hitting the "back" button on your browser, going to Google, and typing in, "seriously need laugh."

I, Ruth, am obligated to record this woeful tale, but you are free to find more humorous reading materials.

With All Due Respect,

Ruth

~*~*~

The word "study" comes from the ancient Greek word "etude" which means, "to bang one's head against a stone column repeatedly." One of the definitions of the modern word "study" is "a state of mental absorbtion." This particular definition aptly describes what law students do in the last two weeks of the semester. They mentally absorb an entire semester's worth of information that they should have been absorbing all semester, but couldn't be bothered. Others had been absorbing all semester, and a reasonable person might think that they would relax during finals, secure in their knowledge that they are thoroughly prepared and are certain to do well on the exam. Unfortunately, these particular law students think they are at Baylor rather than the University of Texas, and they are convinced that they will be forced to work at a personal injury boutique and put their picture on the back of the Yellow Pages if they don't have at least a 3.9 GPA. In other words, even the students who have been studying all semester long are stressed to their breaking point.

The Tarlton Law Library, once near-empty and a place of comfort, is now full of law students. These are not your usual, easy-going, flip flop wearing UT students. These are students in the midst of finals. The library has degenerated from being a quiet place of reading and relaxation to--well to put it bluntly--a jungle. And I don't mean jungle metaphorically. I mean that the students act like animals guarding their cubs as they become increasingly territorial. Don't believe me? Just walk through the Tarlton Law Library, preferably while wearing flipflops, walk to the table furthest in the back, and count the number of dirty looks you get as your flip flops disturb the students' mental states. Only four of the people you pass won't give you a hard time, but that's because they're wearing earplugs and didn't hear you in the first place.

In the unlikely event that you actually find a free table with a nearby plug for your laptop, it's probably because you reached it mere seconds before the girl who had been sitting at that particular table for the past few days. She will undoubtedly walk up just in time to see you place your laptop on the table (akin to a Conquistador putting the Spanish flag on the beach of a soon-to-be conquered land). Instead of simply moving on and looking for another table, she will attempt to shoot daggers at you with her eyes, sigh loudly, roll her eyes before she's completely turned her back to you, and walk away loudly. Later she will complain to her friends how you took her table and how she couldn't concentrate after that because the table she ended up sitting at faced a different direction and it messed up her chi.

The rest of the library is no less dejecting. Common scenes include guys pulling on their hair; wide eyes staring blankly at computer screens, their expressions revealing that they don't know this shit, and they certainly aren't going to know it by tomorrow's closed book exam; a girl passed out at a desk, the sheer exhaustion finally taking its toll. If you look hard enough, you might even find a girl who has reached her breaking point, and is crying in the library because she's going to fail Civil Procedure.**

Even when well-meaning people try to make small talk in the elevator, the subject inevitably turns to the dread subject of finals. How many do you have left? How long have you been studying tonight? How long is your outline? How many times did you retch before taking that PR exam?

I wish, dear readers, that I could tell you that this was fiction. I wish I could tell you that UT law students were well-balanced people, that they understood that we are at a Top 15 school, that our grades are inflated anyway, and that most professors just toss their exams down the stairs (which magically land in a bell curve) and your grade corresponds to the stair your exam landed on. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Most ~~students~~ 1Ls still labor under the misguided view that their hard work will actually materialize into a good grade. I also wish that I could tell you that I am calm, cool, and collected and thus not misled like the aforementioned 1Ls. But I would be lying, because my Civ Pro exam made me physically sick with anxiety.

And this is why I might try to avoid the Lachrymose Library as much as possible today and tomorrow. As I am determined not to stress over Property, there is no reason to subject myself to the substantial tension that just seems to float in the air there. Indeed, if the sun comes out and the mosquitoes don't, you might find me outside at a picnic table, reading my thirty-three Property syllabi, trying to make sense of the subject, but shrugging when I remember it's my last exam of the year and that I don't have enough left in me to care.

~*~*~

* Some of the writing style in this post was shamelessly swiped from Lemony Snicket. May he forever reign as the Prince of Woe.
** This may or may not have been me.

The Moment of Truth

2005-05-09T08:27:00.000-05:00

This is it. About to start my Civ Pro exam.

In case I don't make it out of this alive, I leave all of my worldly possessions to my beloved Antonin, with the exception of anything that might be considered geeky, in that case, Alfred should have it.

See you on the flip side. I'm hoping to get through this without vomiting. I'm trying very hard to hate Professor Woolley, but I just can't. I don't think this will be a problem in four more hours, though.

EDIT:

Am still alive. Barely. I may have been the first one done in my room, but I don't remember. For those of you who (a) were in my room and (b) have figured out who I am, please rest assured that I was not done early because I knew my shit. It was the opposite. I had so little to say about each question that with ten minutes to go, I said, "fuck it... this is not going to get any better in the next ten minutes." You can thank me for padding the bottom of the curve in Civ Pro later.

Now the question is how much effort do I actually want to put into Property? Not much, I know that. I figure that knowing my stuff in that class is not a guarantee of a decent grade anyway, so why put the effort in? And what does it matter anyway? I want to get into criminal law, and D.A. offices aren't exactly known for insisting on top grades. I'll still make Alfred teach me the subject, as I don't want to go in there knowing nothing, but now that Civ Pro is behind me, I just can't see myself stressing over anything else at this point, other than what to wear to the End of the Year Party on Thursday night.*

So instead of starting on Property tonight, I'm going to go buy some cereal and milk, take a long, hot bath, and then make a fresh start tomorrow.

Furthermore... I realize that I haven't said a single humorous thing in this entire post, but I just can't find it in me tonight. My bad. Blame Antonin. It's his turn to post anyway.

*Blind Pig. This Thursday night. Drink specials. If you are a UT student and you are not there, then you are lame.

Ode to Professor Glannon

2005-05-07T15:01:00.000-05:00

I would just like to say that if I do well on my Civil Procedure exam, it is thanks to this man:

Professor Glannon, your examples can be cheesy as hell, but I thank you for them. And your whole visit from Gabriel thing was just downright uncalled for. But if you can explain Erie to me, I will hand over my firstborn and won't have anything further to say about your cheesiness.

And now, a quote.

Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
-Benjamin Disraeli

Word on the suffering part... and on that upbeat note, I return to my beloved Glannon.

Another Song Parody Funny Only to Law Students

2005-05-06T23:11:00.000-05:00

Since I'm spending all of my time studying, here is another song parody sent from a friend.

(To the tune of Sam Cooke's "Wonderful World (Don't Know Much)")

Don't know much about Property
Don't know much Crimenology
Don't know much about the CivPro book
Don't much about the Warren Court
But I know that first year's almost through
And I know that summer's coming soon
What a wonderful world this will be

Don't know much about the law of tort
Don't know what I'd do in a court
Don't know much about contract law
Don't know what the Constitution's for
But I can write on to law review
And if I do then maybe you will too
What a wonderful world this will be

Now I don't claim to be an "A" student
But I'm tryin' to be
For maybe by being an "A" student baby
I can win a job for me

Quick House Keeping

2005-05-06T00:04:00.000-05:00

I'm probably going to venture into the template sometime tomorrow and add to our link list. If you're reading us, and you've linked to us on your blog, we'd like to extend the same courtesy. However, I am pretty damn lazy, and even more disorganized, so it would take me ages to find all of you. So, if you could make my life easier by leaving a comment to this post with the link to your blog, I would appreciate it (I would appreciate it even more if said link was in a copy/paste-able format).

I'm all about sharing the ~~love~~ links.

So don't be shy. Even you lurkers that link to us, let us know.

For the ladies: making studying for Civ Pro less painful

2005-05-05T17:42:00.000-05:00

Civil Procedure may possibly be the most boring subject ever, with one exception: Texas Civil Procedure. Studying for this exam is difficult, and the Federal Rules have a tendency to make your eyes roll into the back of your head. But because my knowledge of the subject is limited to a single Federal Rule, blowing off this exam is not an option.

Therefore, I have come up with a number of ways to make studying for the exam less painful. This will probably only be of interest to the ladies, so fellas, feel free to skip this entry.

Making Civ Pro Less Painful: Ruth Style

Obtain a bookmark with Orlando Bloom on it. Put it in your Federal Rules book. If you don't have a bookmark, just print out a picture of him. The less clothes, the better. This will encourage you to at least open the book. Then keep sticking the picture behind the next page you have to read. Allow 30 seconds of ~~drooling~~ gazing each time you turn the page.
When reading Glannon, picture him as being sexy, and British. Read Examples and Explanations with a British accent to help complete the mental picture. Do not actually look for a picture of Professor Glannon online, as it may ruin things for you.
Go purchase a bar of your favorite chocolate. Each time you finish revising a section of your outline, allow yourself to savor a small piece of it. Rewarding your hard work is important.
If there is a handsome guy in your class who knows a lot about Civ Pro, study with him and ask him lots of questions. Which reminds me... I haven't seen Antonin much today.*
Rent a Johnnie Depp movie (I recommend Pirates of the Caribbean). Allow yourself to watch it tomorrow night, but only if you do at least half of a practice exam.
Associate different Federal Rules with different hot male celebrities. There needn't be any rhyme or reason to it. It's just more fun to call something "the Colin Firth rule" than it is to say Rule 8(e). It'll make you grin a bit, and you should take those happy thoughts where you can get them while studying this subject.

Now, an amusing Professor Glannon tidbit...

I was talking to a 3L friend of mine today, and she was telling me how she and her friends were addicted to Glannon when they were 1Ls. Her friend was distraught that Glannon didn't have a chapter on class actions, especially since they would be covering that in class and it would be on the final the following week. Her friend proceeds to look up Professor Glannon and email him, asking if he had a draft chapter on class actions, because if so-they would find it quite helpful.

A day later Professor Glannon replied to the email, saying, "Class actions are hard. That's why I don't have a Class Action chapter in my book. Well, good luck on your final."

Thanks, Professor G. We appreciate your concern.

*Hey, Antonin, remind me to call you so I can ask you some Civ Pro questions. ;)

This is why I support the curve system

2005-05-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

"When we set the timer, does that mean its going to count down as we take the exam?"
- Stupid Bitch in my Con Law final

Let's Hear it for the Court!

2005-05-03T19:57:00.000-05:00

In honor of our Warren Court final tomorrow, I bring you a humble song parody.

(To the tune of ~~Cyndi Lauper's~~ Denise Williams' "Let's Hear it for the Boy.")

Now Warren, in Brown v. Board
He had a lot to say
And there was no way to sustain
Plessy--the schools would have to change.

And there was no reasoning
At least not using law
Now we all go to the same schools
Thanks to the new rule

Let's hear it for the Court!
Let's give the Court a hand!
Let's hear it for the Justice
You know you got to understand
Warren he's no Cardozo
But he wrote Loving, that I know
Let's hear it for the Court!

Now Warren may not watch porn
But Brennan liked it fine
Though he tried to define it
He always had a real hard time

But Brennan protected speech
And that's all right be me
And what he did, he did so well
I just wanna yell

Let's hear it for the Court!
Let's give the Court a hand!
Let's hear it for the Justice
You know you got to understand
Brennan, he's no Cardozo
But Sullivan was money, yo'
Let's hear it for the Court!

My Semester in a Nutshell

2005-05-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Con Law II: Memorize Prof's book. All 501 pages. Regurgitate on exam. (Progress: Can probably create decent response to question about Brown, and Black's 1st Amendment Absolutism, and possibly about obscenity.)

Civ Pro: Be able to recall every single utterance of Prof, synthesize, put it all together, and read it backwards. Also: memorize a number of Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. (Progress: Rule 12(b)(6) is a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim. That's about the extent of my Civ Pro knowledge.)

Crim Law: Be inspired by Prof. Be saddened by Prof's subsequent death. Enter parade of different profs for remainder of semester. Need to know very little in order to pass exam, as is now pass/fail. (Progress: Not too bad, actually.)

Property: Attempt to make some sense of course (not necessarily subject, just manner in which prof presents it). Any sense at all will suffice, given the circumstances. (Progress: Little to none. And by little, I actually just mean none, but "none to none" sounded redundant.)

Legal Research and Writing: Write a memo. Revise it all semester. Proceed to squish entire process into two-week period for final. (Progress: Done! Yay!)

Ah well. At least next year I'll be able to take classes that I actually want to take. Is it summer yet?

Quiz Dump

2005-05-01T00:59:00.000-05:00

Gacked this quiz Closet Gunner and was amused by the result.

YOU ARE RULE 20(a)!

You are Rule 20, an important part of the Federal
Rules' policy of permissive joinder. You are
designed specifically to allow as many parties
in an action as can be tried efficiently, and
you'll include someone as long as there is some
factual overlap between a claim involving them
and the rest of the case at hand. You are
popular, out-going, and are never far from
friends. However, your overly gregarious
nature and magnanimous approach do make things
a bit crowded--you're the reason that lawsuits
are often cluttered with innumerable parties
and even more numberous claims for relief.
Still, despite the crowds that you attract, you
can't argue with the efficiency of getting
everything done at once!

Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Popular, outgoing, life of the party, greatest person ever, and yet, also modest... Yeah, that sounds like me.

Then I decided to play around on Quizilla a bit more, and I found this one, though it looks familiar... perhaps I've taken it before. Nevertheless, here it is:

Bad economy got ya down? That's okay. We don't know what we want to do when we grow up either.

What Kind of Law Geek Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

That one was spot on, I must say.

Antonin and I obviously had better things to do than blog this weekend, hence the lazy posts. But before anyone starts accusing us of placing more importance on exams than blogging, I want it known that our lack of posting is not due to us studying on Friday and Saturday nights. We both went out Friday night, leaving little time for posting, and tonight I just forgot it was my turn. Oops.

My next post will be...well I can't promise that it'll be better than this, but I won't cop out and just post quizzes.

Affirmative Defense to Spousal Abuse

2005-04-30T04:45:00.000-05:00

"I'm not saying he shoulda killed her...but I understand." - Chris Rock, in reference to O.J. Simpson

How to be a douche bag, post the second.

2005-04-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

When a bunch of students take a class because they heard it was easy and that the professor always allowed it to be open book, but then he misspeaks and says it's closed book, but then a week later says he'll let it be open book as long as no one claims detrimental reliance on the fact that he'd said it was closed book, and you email him claiming detrimental reliance, you are a douche bag. *

You probably have very few friends, because you probably pull shit like that all the time. Congratulations, a class of around 100 people hate your guts. Oh, and don't think we can't figure you who you are. You'll be the one sitting there with that smug, self-satisfied look on your face, and the rest of us will know.

And if we don't figure it out, there's this thing called karma. And it can be a real bitch. **

*If you were able to follow this ~~paragraph~~ really long sentence, despite its horrid grammar, I'm impressed.
**This assessement on being a douche bag is only supported by 50% of Amicus Curiae. Please see "Finals Give Me a Semi"

In other (non-douche bag) news, a classmate discovered my Semi-Top-Secret Identity today. She said she knew it had to be someone in our section who is funny and has big boobs, which obviously narrowed it down to me and... oh yeah. Just me. Anyway, she said she checks the blog every few hours for updates, so this one's for her. She claims to be anti-studying, so I'm sure she'll appreciate a reason to procrastinate further.

Lastly, a note about blogging during finals. Antonin and I have been dedicated to bringing you at least one post per day, despite the fact that most blawgers go on a finals hiatus of a sort (which really means they post more pointless entries in an attempt to not study). But because we're dedicated to bringing you posts, we hope you'll continue to read said posts and leave us comments (hey! we need distractions too). Okay, I hope you'll continue to leave comments. And if this makes me a comment whore (it does), then so be it.

Have a nice evening.

I knew it! I fucking knew it!

2005-04-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

My entire philosophy on physical health was backed today by the Portuguese. They say that two beers a day are good for your health, which means I will probably end up being immortal after finals are over. Here are two points I would like to emphasize:

1) "Forget the myth of the 'beer gut' because it is just that: a myth," This quote proves that my ex-girlfriend should be committed, since she was always giving me a hard time about "a myth." Crazy bitch.

2) "a six fluid ounce glass of beer has less calories than a quarter pint of sugarless orange juice or a similar sized cup of milk." Of course, you usually won't drink 18 glasses of sugarless orange juice, smash the empty glass in a public bathroom, then go have two Eggs Mexicana Combos from Taco C. So that one probably evens out.

(I also found out this was true last summer.)

Urgent: All Soon-to-be 1Ls, Please Read

2005-04-27T10:16:00.000-05:00

If you are starting law school in the fall and you are already reading law school study aids, please, for the love of all that is good in the world, STOP.

There is absolutely no reason for you to be reading law books already. It will not give you some big advantage over your classmates and will only serve to make you the Section Gunner, and then no one will like you, your social life will suffer, and you'll never get laid. Yes, it's that bad. I answered a question in class once, and my friends didn't speak to me for a week.

On the real, this is the most sincere advice I can possibly give you, all joking aside. In the next three years, your pleasure reading will be pretty much non-existent. Use this last summer of freedom to read as many non-law books as possible. Don't even read legal thrillers. Find somethign that is the opposite of law, and read that instead.

I used to quite enjoy reading, and so I will suggest some titles:

Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (out July 16, 2005)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Anything by Jasper Fforde
A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket
And for the ladies: anything by Jane Austen

There is a law-related character in the first Lemony Snicket book, but she's a minor character, so it's okay.

I repeat myself one last time. Step away from the law book. You will thank me for this later.

Advice for Up and Coming UT 1Ls

2005-04-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

In our inbox today:

I noticed your blog the other day. As a soon to be 1L at UT this fall, do you have any advice you wish to share?

Oh, do we ever.

Unfortunately, our Reader did not specify what sort of advice he was looking for, nor even if he was a he or she. Thus, he/she gets Random Bullet Point Advice.

Don't bother bringing winter clothes. You won't need them. Bring three long-sleeve shirts, tops. Or a medium-weight jacket. I think I've only seen our friend Alfred in long sleeves a handful of times, and that was only because his jacket was MIA.
Do bring lots of flip flops, shorts, and t-shirts. This will be your wardrobe 87% of the time if you're a girl and 96% of the time if you're a guy.
Do not get an Inspiron 9100 with your laptop financial aid. It weighs approximately 33 lbs. and is a pain in the ass to take to school every day.
Do invest in Microsoft One Note. It's pretty cool and only like $5 on campus.
Be social. When your small group or society members ask you to go out with them, always go, at least at first. You're allowed to buckle down towards the end, but there is no excuse not to go out and have fun in the beginning of the semester.
Bar Review does not mean reviewing for the bar exam.
Join Texas Law Bachelor Society if you are male. Or just give me a call. My boobs are of a substantial size, and I have been groped by my drunken friends (including two who are female and one by the name of Antonin).
If you are a good-looking female, Antonin is single. And I can say with some authority that he is quite handsome.
If you are/were at the top of your class in undergrad, you can probably get away with doing not a lot of work and still come out in the middle of your class, like I did. However, if you want the good-paying job like Antonin has lined up for the summer, you might want to do a little bit more work than I did last semester. Just saying.
Unless you have scoliosis, do not invest in a roller bag. You will be mocked relentlessly. 10 minutes between classes (if yours happen to be back-to-back) is ample time to go to your locker and switch books.
Attending your Legal Research and Writing class is almost always optional.
If you ever have Professor Woolley, none of his classes are optional. Be there, on time, every day, and don't get on IM or check your email for the 50 minutes he's speaking. If you do, you will undoubtedly miss something very important and ultimately pad the back-end of the curve.
When you begin to stress about grades, remember that even if you are in the bottom third of your class, things could be worse. You could be, for example, at SMU or Texas Tech.
Antonin and I don't get why people stress anyway. You're at Texas. You'll get a job. Go whine somewhere else.
Examples and Explanations in (Insert Type of Law Here): Best. Study aids. Ever. I am Professor Glannon's bitch in Civ Pro.
Don't despair the first time you realize that you can tell the difference between an italicized period and a non-italicized period. It happens, and it will be okay.
If you haven't seen it already, don't waste your time watching The Paper Chase. Law school at UT is nothing like it anyway.
JD2B.com has great resources too. Plus Marshall linked to us, so we quite like him.
Do watch The West Wing. Antonin highly recommends it.
If you want to get into criminal law, just sit back and coast. Average grades will suffice.
Logan's (on 6th Street) big beers. 'Nuff said.
Freebirds. Mmmmmfreebirds.
Get ready to have the best three years of your life. Because Texas is fun.

Hope that puts your mind at ease, dear Reader. If you want more specific advice feel free to email us and... be more specific.

And for you non-UTers (especially those of you up North where annoying things like snow happens) we extend our sympathies.

Finals give me a semi

2005-04-26T14:20:00.000-05:00

For many people out there, finals are a time of stress and anxiety. But for me, it does not get any better than this. All the reading and studying that we have done all semester culminates into a 4 hour, winner-take-all, display of knowledge, and to me, there is nothing more exciting than that. No busy work, no bullshit assignments that are worth 1% of my grade, and no stupid group presentations. Just one knock down, drag out, "what the fuck you got" exam that determines your final grade, and hence the direction and success of the rest of your life. This is bases loaded, bottom of the 9th, two outs and a full count. This is the buzzer beater from 3 point land. This is kicking the game winning field goal with 3 seconds left. This is the big leagues folks and if you don't have ice water in your veins and balls of steel, you should think about getting your MBA. Here's to finals.*

*Finals do not actually give me an erection, nor do they get me excited in any other way.

Ruth's Poetry Corner

2005-04-25T10:28:00.000-05:00

Decided to take some time out from my kick ass criminal law outline in order to relax and introduce you fine folks to my other main skill... haiku. So without further ado, I bring you Law School Haiku for your reading pleasure.

Our property prof
Is the most disorganized
Professor ever.

Adverse possession
Statute of limitations
Blah, blah... please just stop.

This is possibly
the worst class I've ever had.
I might stab myself.

In Civ Pro we're whipped.
We're quiet and attentive
Way before class starts.

Territorial
Jurisdiction is the bane
of my existence.

Well, it's not really.
But it used up a lot of
Syllables, so there.

Criminal Law
is probably the best class.
Criminals are fun.

Defendants do some
really stupid things and they
always make me laugh.

A pretend doctor
Told his victim she was sick
and he was the cure.

Court says: that's fucked up
But the statute's written wrong.
Consent was given.

Warren Court is fun.
The professor is quite short.
He makes us all laugh.

His lectures come straight
From the book he assigned us.
I mean word for word.

Our Legal Writing class
Is over and that's what counts.
Curse that damn memo.

Everything is much
Funnier when in haiku.
Five-seven-five rocks.

Re: Antonin's post.
I am not a dictator.
He is full of shit.

Feel free to comment
And show off your own brilliance
I'll post the best ones.

Castro= Ruth

2005-04-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

Today our blog has witnessed the ultimate hypocrisy. A reader who will remain nameless posted a comment that might be considered controversial by some. Instead of allowing the free flow of ideas, my fellow blogger deleted the comment.

Law students go to school to learn about protecting individual liberties and the fundamental ideals of free speech. We learn about the importance of dissent and differing opinions, and how this speech must be protected. But for some students, namely Ruth, these are only ideals. When people comment on our blog to exercise this right that we hold so dear, some people would rather oppress these ideas if they don't agree with them.

From this point forward, everyone has the right to know what kind of forum you are commenting on. If you comment under one of Ruth's post, it will be the equivalent of living in communist China. Make sure she agrees with your comments, or they will probably never be heard.

But, there is a shining light in this darkness of repression, and that light is my posts. Commenting under my posts will be the equivalent of living here in the United States (pre-Ashcroft), where controversy and dissent are welcome, even if I don't agree with it. God bless me, America, and the 1st amendment.